Younger Men, Older Women

Halle-Berry-Gabriel-Aubry

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry

Women dating men younger than themselves has always been somewhat of a taboo in societies around the globe. While men are permitted, if not encouraged, to seek younger women, women are taught to partner with men who match them in age or are older and well-established.

Some say that younger men are only interested in older women for sex or money; that they will move on once they get what they want.  It’s also said that older women interested in younger men are simply looking for an ego boost and reconfirmation of their desirability.

Despite the views of others, there is some natural attraction of younger men to older women, and of older women to younger men. Men who regularly date older women cite reasons such as greater self-confidence, independence, and maturity as to what in particular attracts them. Some women say that open-mindedness and novelty are perks of being with a younger man. And as more prominent celebrity relationships feature the younger man/older woman dynamic, more so-called “May-December” relationships are forming and people are opening up to the idea.

As for me, age is nothing but a number — to an extent. I have not and would not think twice on finding out a man I’m interested in is a few years younger than me. As long as the man is sufficiently mature mentally, then his age isn’t very important. However, I don’t foresee myself ever seriously dating a man who is ten or more years younger (or older) than me. I believe that the different mindsets, life experience, and expectations caused by the age disparity would be a burden on the relationship that would prove too hard to overcome. Most of the men I have been involved with have been a few years older, and these relationships generally worked out well due to the slight similarity in age. But I would never say never.

What do you think of older women dating younger men? Do you know of any relationships involving a younger man and an older woman? Are you open to this sort of relationship?

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20 thoughts on “Younger Men, Older Women

  1. This is interesting. I must admit I have some prejudice when it comes to older men dating younger women (with the 10+ age difference). I am aware it is not fair for me to think bad about these people. There are many loving couples and who am I to judge them?

    But there’s also the stereotype of a rich, older guy dating young golddiggers, so they are the first thing I think about when it comes to younger men, older women couples.

    I don’t have the same prejudice when it comes to the “opposite” coupling: younger men and older women. Maybe because I don’t know many, if any such couples.

    Personally, I never dated men who were much older or younger than myself. I just never thought I’d have much in common with the guy who was in elementary (or high!) school when I was born, or the one who was born when I was a teenager. But couple of years of difference mean nothing- even if the guy is younger.

    I did date guys younger than myself at the age when girls don’t (usually) date younger guys and are not even interested in them. I look younger than my age, so nobody even thought about it, but many people were (unpleasantly) surprised to learn I was older. Even my grandmother laughed at it (my grandfather was 7 years older than her and it was considered the “perfect” age difference).

    I don’t care what people think, but it is evident there is a certain “stigma” surrounding younger man/older woman couplings. What is interesting is that this stigma went in the sexual direction, as the opposite of older man/younger woman, where criticism go in the “gold digging” direction. What I’m saying is, older women who date younger men are seen as oversexed, which (at least in my culture) is seen as a really bad thing. That’s why certain people advised me not to reveal my boyfriend was younger than me.

    My husband is one year older than me, but I consider ourselves to be of same age, more or less. I think that’s what works the best for me.

    PS-BTW, I always thought that, if I ever end up in a relationship with the great age difference, that it would be with a younger man. I was attracted to younger men, but not older (older than, say, 3-4 years). But now that I’m actually getting older (ha!), I realized I start to notice older men, men in their 40s and such. So it’s a bit confusing. (Ok, when I say “notice men”, I don’t mean on real men… I mean on celebrities and the like. It’s not real. But even with that, I am unable to find any of those young cuties interesting, and I did before).

  2. Mira,

    “I did date guys younger than myself at the age when girls don’t (usually) date younger guys and are not even interested in them.”

    Same. In high school I dated a few guys who were younger by a few years, and my friends would wonder what I could possibly see in them. But the dates usually never turned into anything serious.

    “BTW, I always thought that, if I ever end up in a relationship with the great age difference, that it would be with a younger man.”

    Again, same.

    It’s odd because, like I said, most of the men I’ve been involved with have been older. But I think I may have a “youthful spirit” that allows me to get along well with younger people. :)

    As far as celebrities go, I tend to notice men around my age. Guys that are a decade or more younger would be a little too young, IMO.

  3. Me three :-) for dating a younger guy in high school. (I didn’t actually know how young he was, which was a problem, but it didn’t turn out to be serious so I just chalk it up to being in hs.) At this point, I wouldn’t date someone younger, since I’m about to graduate college, though I wouldn’t go older than 5 years either.

    My sisters and I tease my mom–my bio dad is 6 years older than her, and my step-dad is almost 10 years older than her! She admits there are drawbacks to men who are so much older, though in both cases I think it’s a combination of age and personality differences.

  4. Jasmin,

    “At this point, I wouldn’t date someone younger, since I’m about to graduate college, though I wouldn’t go older than 5 years either.”

    I’d still date a younger guy. I’ve met some cool younger guys and I wouldn’t pass them up if I were single. Three or four years can work out, I think, I just don’t know about the huge, seven to ten year or more age differences.

  5. Alee,

    Younger guys and I have just never worked out well. IME, they’ve been more likely to be intimidated by older women and just too childish for me. But obviously younger is very relative. Ask me again in 5 years. :-)

  6. Jasmin,

    “Ask me again in 5 years.”

    Lol. It’s true that the age differences seem much greater when you’re both younger.

  7. When I was 22, I had an 18 year old boyfriend. He was very creative and fun to be with, but I thought he was “young.” He started getting soooo serious about the relationship.

    @Mira —
    What I’m saying is, older women who date younger men are seen as oversexed, which (at least in my culture) is seen as a really bad thing.

    I read that a woman doesn’t reach her sexual peak until she’s in her early 40s, whereas a guy’s sexual peak is supposed to be in his 20s or thereabouts. Right? So it would seem that this type of couple would be perfect for each other.

  8. And the main negative I’ve heard about the older woman and the younger man is that she’s probably his “sugarmomma”– gives him money and takes care of him financially.

  9. temple,
    :)

    He is classically good-looking. But I heard he is now dating Kim Kardashian, which, sorry to say, makes him look not so good in my eyes.

  10. Hi jorbia, welcome. :)

    “And the main negative I’ve heard about the older woman and the younger man is that she’s probably his “sugarmomma”– gives him money and takes care of him financially.”

    Yes, that stereotype gets tossed around a lot, that’s why I included it in the post.

    Mira,

    “I am not sure what to think about him dating Kim Kardashian.”

    From Halle to Kim. Uhhh… hmmm. I didn’t see that coming!

  11. I’m waiting for my aunt to finish shopping & writing from tiny phone so frgv typos.
    If I wasn’t w/someone & was looking I wouldn’t pass by a good man no matter his age. Its hard enough to find simeone compatible.
    gabriel’s going bkwds in quality partners.

  12. I`ve just come out of a four-year relationship with a man 9 years younger than I am. When we met we were over the moon and so surprised to have evetually met the person we`ve been dreaming to come into our lives. In the first months we only saw the other one entirely as a soulmate, lover and best thing that could have ever happened, but after a while `the world crept in´. Although nobody ever saw our age difference or noticed any difference in behaviour – on the contrary, most people told us what a wonderful and nice couple we made- people started to ask about how old we were.

    I will never forget when we were in Hesinki and some girls did a survey on the street. In the end they asked us to give them our age and that was the first time I saw my boyfriend freeze up. I could tell it was the first time he realised the age difference and that it shocked him.

    In the following years, age was then pushed out of our minds; until the biological clock started ticking louder. We still wanted to be a family, but as we didn`t live in the same city things became difficult and somehow other people in our surroundings started to bring the subject up again. In the end I felt how he withdrew , how our dream to live together moved out of reach and how I started to lose my self-esteem and any clear idea of who I was. He always claimed it hadn`t been the age difference, but it`s a fact that men have got more time to start a family and form their lives than women have. The age difference DOES matter at a certain age. Love will not be able to gloss over that.

  13. Hey Millie :)

    I felt so bad reading your story. I understand how the age difference can be a problem when you’re trying to begin a family while your younger guy is still trying to “enjoy” life. Your ex was being weird about talking about it, though: if he has the courage to begin a relationship with a younger woman, he could at least acknowledge that to some random surveyors.

    Living in different cities could have affected your relationship as well.

    I hope you’re not too down over the break-up.

  14. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I just saw this thread!!!!. I would have had sooo much insight to impart!!!!!!!

  15. foosrock, lol, it’s okay!

    You’re more than welcome to comment on older posts; they aren’t less significant. Actually, I’d like for commenters to read and respond to posts they missed, whenever they like. I read all comments, and respond to 99.99 percent of them. So your comment won’t be lost. :)

  16. Older women just want sex from younger men because men their age or older are too bitchy to give them sex and it’s hard to get them to put out. Younger men can put out more easily compared to older men who are so bitchy and domineering.

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