For the Love of Shy Men

cute-shy-manIn 1995 Diana King sang,

“I don’t want no fly guy, I just want a shy guy…He’s the kinda guy who’ll only be mine.”

And she isn’t alone — I also love shy men. There is just something irresistible about a guy who is reserved and cautious, in the midst of all the empty bravado shown by so many other men. But like other great things in life, shy men are underrated, by themselves and others. They may be harder to know and understand, but once you’re familiar with them, the extra effort becomes truly worthwhile.

There are several reasons why a shy guy is a great pick among men. Here are a few of the reasons why I love shy men, and you should too:

He is a hidden treasure

Since the shy guy puts less of himself and his interests out there for the world to see, there is more to explore and find out later on. You may know a shy guy for some time before you find out about his lifelong passion for East African sculpture or his dream to become a professional race car driver. And the best part is that you’re one of the few who knows about his true interests.

He is trustworthy

Shy men can be trusted to keep your private information. They don’t tell much about themselves, so why would they talk about others? Shy guys are also more trustworthy in another way, which might be more important — they are less likely to cheat romantically. Why? Because it’s hard enough for them to approach women: if they already have one, it’s only more work to find another.

He is sincere

Like geeky guys, shy men are open about their true feelings — once you get to know them. There is less of the pretense and boasting found with outgoing men; shy men are less likely to put up a persona or use tactics to get and keep your interest.

He understands

Since they weren’t born with the natural ability to relate to others, the shy man tends to spend much time trying to understand people and how to interact with them. As a result he understands people in a deeper way. He can comprehend your feelings and thoughts, even when you don’t.

He is the perfect companion

Whether you’re outgoing and gregarious, or shy and low-key like him, the shy guy is a wonderful complement. He will listen when you have something to say, and sit with you in silence when you want to get away from it all. What more could you ask for?

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17 thoughts on “For the Love of Shy Men

  1. Good post. I have an aversion to the term “shy.” I guess because it seems like shy = introvert = socially inept = doormat (based on other’s perceptions).

    I tend to prefer “introverted,” as I know that shyness and introversion aren’t necessarily the same thing.

  2. Hi Daphne,

    “I have an aversion to the term “shy.” I guess because it seems like shy = introvert = socially inept = doormat (based on other’s perceptions).”

    True: I’m not extremely fond of the term for that reason. But it’s a more familiar and common than other terms, and hopefully we’re all clear that introversion is not shyness and vice versa? Some introverts are shy, and some shy people are introverts, but they are not one and the same. This post is about shy men, not introverted men. I’ve dated shy men who were definitely not introverts. Perhaps I will write about the differences between the two in a future post.

    And shy people aren’t necessarily socially inept; it may just take them some time to get used to a certain situation or group of people. They could have great social skills, but they are more hesitant to approach. Doormats? Lol, just try stepping on some shy people and you’ll be disabused of that notion quickly. :)

  3. This post is about shy men, not introverted men. I’ve dated shy men who were definitely not introverts.

    Gotcha. The formerly perceived shy guys I’ve dated happened to be introverts. I’ve not dated a shy extrovert, yet.

  4. Daphne,

    Shy extroverts are interesting. They’re like me, sometimes, but the other way around. :)

    They may seem like introverts at the outset, but their need to be around people and/or actively do things cues you to them being an extrovert.

  5. Miss Alee,

    I thought this was a sweet post.

    In general, shy folks are drawn to me like a moth to a flame. A couple of my shy friends told me that I make it easy for them; I take them places, and break the ice with introductions, and check in to make sure that the social thang is still going smoothly.

  6. Sherry,

    “I thought this was a sweet post.”

    Thanks. :)

    “In general, shy folks are drawn to me like a moth to a flame.”

    Hmmm… I wonder why.

  7. I too attract shy folks (with mixed results), but I’m not sure if Z is shy (he fits all of the criteria, but I dunno if it’s just when he’s with me or more of a general habit).

    Sincerity is key–I’ve told him time and again that’s one of the main reasons I agreed to date him (in the beginning) since insincerity + long-distance would’ve been a disaster.

    P.S. Love Diana King! My dad used to play her CD in the car all the time, so my sister and I knew all of the lyrics. I think we might be the only people in our age group who do though–I had no idea that came out in ’95!

  8. Jasmin,

    Zek seems a little shy. Just a little. :)
    He doesn’t seem like he could be insincere even if he tried. So good catch.

    I know all the lyrics to the song too. I love it.

  9. Alee,

    He doesn’t seem like he could be insincere even if he tried. So good catch.

    That’s what my cousin said. When he was first going to meet my extended family, she was like, “It’s like he’s too nice to dislike!” :-P

  10. Hey! Where’s my comment? I am sure I posted one here.

    Well, I didn’t have anything new to say. I just praised shy men for their ability to avoid the game and not to be womanizers and cheaters. But I am not saying all shy men fit this profile. I’ve dated both shy and not-so-shy guys, and shy guys were much better, so I might be biased.

  11. My site was having a little downtime and it seems like your comment got lost in the mix.

    You can repost it if you want; I was going to say I completely agree with your comment and you totally get shy men. ;)

  12. Well, I didn’t say anything new… I just had to proclaim my admiration for shy men. :D

    But, once again, I am biased… I am not sure if all, or even majority of shy men are as great.

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