Do You Ever Get Over a Past Love?

sad-womanNote: This post is more personal than others

Last night I had a dream that I was in an airport (or bus station, I can’t remember which). I gathered my bags as I prepared to leave, but as I turned to walk out the doors, I saw an ex-boyfriend of mine, with some friends and his brother. He exclaimed as he walked over to kiss me on the cheek. We embraced and began to chat about old times. As we were walking out of the doors together, arm in arm, I woke up from my dream.

This dream isn’t so eventful in and of itself. But I’ve had some form of this same dream, involving the same guy, a few times every year since I cut ties with him several years ago.

Now, I know this sounds bad. Really bad. I have a boyfriend, who I love, and wouldn’t give up for anything (or anyone). I am anxious about pressing “Publish” on this post and having him read this. He deserves someone who is wholly dedicated to him, and I promise that I am. But I just can’t seem to get my subconscious in line with my conscious feelings. You see, the guy in the dream was one of my first true loves. And I don’t know if I can simply erase the past from my mind and forget all the good times we had together.

It was back in my first year of college that I met him. I first ignored him, thinking he was fickle and conceited. But we eventually became best friends and started dating. It seemed we would be together forever, but it didn’t work out that way. He wanted to focus on other things, and I had my own plans. We separated on bad terms and although my thoughts of him have subsided, now and then, I’m reminded of what once was.

Perhaps it isn’t about the love, maybe it’s because, like a guy friend told me, the break-up was unexpected and premature — I’m holding on to what I think the relationship could have been. Perhaps these kinds of thoughts only plague romantics and idealists like me. Either way, I try not to hold it against myself. But it’s been years since the break-up and these subliminal thoughts of him have yet to go away. Sometimes I do wonder, am I the only one who can’t get over my past love?

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12 thoughts on “Do You Ever Get Over a Past Love?

  1. I have lots (most) of my dreams where I’m in a setting from 10 years ago or less. With the same mindstate.

    Orrrrr, this could mean the flame might still have a flicker of a burning coal.

  2. AJ, most of my dreams are more future-oriented. That’s another reason why these dreams are “off”. But I see what you mean.

    And thanks for your understanding. {hugs}

  3. “Perhaps it isn’t about the love, maybe it’s because, like a guy friend told me, the break-up was unexpected and premature — I’m holding on to what I think the relationship could have been.” and “We separated on bad terms”

    That says it all. When something is raggedy, it feels unfinished, bittersweet, sad. I think that is the reality of the situation, and feeling that way makes sense.

  4. It was back in my first year of college that I met him. I first ignored him, thinking he was fickle and conceited. But we eventually became best friends and started dating. It seemed we would be together forever, but it didn’t work out that way. He wanted to focus on other things, and I had my own plans. We separated on bad terms and although my thoughts of him have subsided, now and then, I’m reminded of what once was.

    This paragraph is eerily similar to a chapter of my own life. It was my first year of college too, but we’d started dating in high school (we went to different colleges). I’ve dreamed of him before, but I think it’s because a) even though he broke up with me, he kept trying to find little ways into my head/life all the way up until Thanksgiving of last year and b) because I keep in touch with his parents, especially his mom, on a regular basis.

    The dream wasn’t sexual (not that it would be “damning evidence” if it was), so I think it’s more nostalgic than anything. And 2 thumbs up to AJ for being understanding.

  5. Sherry,

    “That says it all. When something is raggedy, it feels unfinished, bittersweet, sad.”

    Yes, thank you — you took the words out of my mouth.


    Jasmin,

    Your situation actually sounds similar to one my sister went through with this guy trying to find ways back into her head/heart. This guy was/is determined.

    But I haven’t spoken to the guy in the dream in years. He (and all my college friends) think I hate him because after we broke up I refused to speak to him, made fun of him, and got him ostracized from our social group. (Yes, I was training for Mean Girls in college. :))

    I hope it was more nostalgic than anything else, but I’m not sure.

    Yup, AJ is awesome.

  6. Thanks Jasmin and Sherry for the moral support.

    *breaks down on your shoulders*

    But you’re right Jasmin, if it was sexual… it’d be a litttttle damning.

  7. Lol you guys are funny. 🙂

    I think even though sexual might seem damning, it’s a toss-up, because our subconscious works in strange ways. I dream nearly every night, and a good number of the people in my dreams are from high school, middle school–people I wasn’t even friends with! So I’m willing to extend the benefit of the doubt. Now, if you wake up fanning yourself… 😛

    On a PG note, I don’t think you would’ve shared (on your blog at least) if you were really concerned that there was something there. And I think you would make an awesome “Mean Girl”. The smart ones are always the most diabolical. 😛

  8. AJ, sure.

    Jasmin,

    “On a PG note, I don’t think you would’ve shared (on your blog at least) if you were really concerned that there was something there.”

    Hmmm. That’s something to ponder.

    “I think you would make an awesome “Mean Girl”. The smart ones are always the most diabolical.”

    Lol. Indeed I was awesome at it.

  9. As for sexual dreams… I am not sure they can be interpreted literally. I’ve had my share of such dreams, usually about people I don’t care about (either way), random, random people. Sometimes women. Or someone I saw on TV before I went to sleep (Eminem, for example, lol <- I can't believe I actually wrote this). I don't think it's a "real deal"; I don't think it means you're attracted to said person. I don't think it means anything sexual. I wouldn't be comfortable sharing that with my husband, though.

  10. Mira, Eminem? Lol… Actually, he does look a trillion times more attractive with darker hair. That bleached stuff wasn’t working out.

    I agree that sex dreams shouldn’t be interpreted literally.

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