Interracial relationships, while essentially like any other type of relationship, come with their unique joys and difficulties. The addition of different cultural backgrounds and appearance creates circumstances which are less likely to occur in intracial relationships.
Some of the less obvious red flags a person may be tempted to ignore or may not realize are warning signs. So by request, here are some of these red flags in interracial relationships.
1. You haven’t met your partner’s family and close friends
If after several months (or years) you haven’t even made plans to meet your partner’s parents, siblings, immediate family members, or closest friends, this may be an indication that your partner doesn’t want you to meet them. He or she may be afraid of their reaction, embarrassed of you, or may not have told them they were in a relationship, much less an interracial one.
2. Your partner says “I only date [your race/ethnicity here]”
To some this may not at first seem like a red flag. However, if your partner is only interested in dating people of your perceived race or ethnicity, it’s a hint that he or she has less of an interest in you as a person and more of an attraction to your race. In other words, you are easily replaceable — one size fits all. In addition, it shows they hold preconceived notions about the characteristics of people of your race.
3. Your partner consistently makes negative remarks about the opposite gender of your race
You may or may not take these remarks personally, but if your partner makes a habit of this, its an indication that he or she holds some prejudices about the people of your perceived race. What happens if or when you have children and they are considered to be or identify with the group that your partner thinks so little of?
4. Your partner refuses to participate in your cultural events
If you participate in events specific to your culture (holidays, foods, etc) and your partner is reluctant to go along with you, you may not think much of it. But you should — later on it may cause problems in the relationship or with family members when cultural considerations become more important.
5. Your partner wishes your children look like them (or expresses disappointment that they look like you)
Beyond mere vanity, if your partner shows a strong desire to have any children you have together look like them, or more particularly, less like you, they may not want children of your perceived ethnicity or race. It may not be obvious at first, after all they are in a relationship with you, right? But your partner may not see you as an extension of them, which is how they undoubtedly will view any children they have.
6. Your partner says, “You act [their race/ethnicity here]” or “You aren’t like most [your race/ethnicity here]”
While not necessarily a deal breaker, statements such as “You act black” or “You aren’t like most Asian men” shows that your partner may have prejudiced ideas about members of your racial or ethnic group. You should probably discuss this issue with your partner if it comes up.
7. Your partner worships you due to your racial or ethnic traits
Related to #2, if your partner places strong emphasis on your race or attributes common to your race as reasons you are attractive to them, this just might be a red flag. It may mean they don’t see you as you, just their Hispanic/Asian/white lover to show off. Don’t allow yourself to be a fetish.
8. Your partner encourages you to change your appearance
If your partner is eager to make you over, it’s a bad sign in any relationship. But it’s even moreso in an interracial relationship because of the racial implications. If your partner make direct or indirect suggestions about you changing features common to your ethnic or racial group, it may mean they don’t find these features appealing or prefer others. Who wants to be with someone who thinks their curly hair or almond-shaped eyes aren’t attractive just as they are?
9. Your partner doesn’t like to be seen in public with you or distances themselves from you in public
No explanation needed.
10. You and/or your Partner avoid ever talking about race
What are you afraid of? Your relationship shouldn’t center on race (in fact, if it does, that may be a red flag), but you should have discussed race and its implications for your relationship at least once. Whether or not you and your partner want to or do live in a “color blind” world, the chance that the construct of race will have an effect on your relationship and [future] children is very high. You should understand where you both stand when it comes to race.