Many women live by the dating rule: always allow a man to approach you first. Some follow this rule due to tradition and culture, others because of past experience, and still others due to hearing it was a cardinal rule of dating.
I don’t follow this rule.
If I’m seriously interested in a guy, I will initiate contact with him. Sometimes a man will approach me first, but it’s seems sensible to go after what you want and take initiative. So far, for the most part, I’ve been successful with this method. However, I know there are downsides to my strategy in addition to its benefits. A short list of the pros and cons of approaching men:
1. Getting the guy
Sometimes the man you approach doesn’t reciprocate your interest. But many times you end up getting exactly what you want — the guy, and before anyone else does. Approaching a man significantly increases the likelihood that he will notice you.
2. No waiting time or missed opportunities
Women who wait for a man to initiate romantic contact can find themselves waiting for weeks, months, or even years. Sometimes they don’t get the chance to wait that long because the man leaves or becomes involved with someone else. The best way to make sure you aren’t sitting waiting for an unknown amount of time is to take action.
3. Less pressure (on the man)
While not directly beneficial to you as the woman, approaching a man eliminates any pressure he may be feeling to be the first one to initiate contact. And it indirectly benefits you; he’ll be grateful for you approaching and you’re off to a great start.
Sometimes it happens. It’s not as bad as it’s made out to be, but it still hurts and may cause you to second-guess yourself. It’s particularly bad if the rejection is in public or done unkindly.
2. The man becomes indifferent or arrogant
In the event that approaching results in a date, some men become lazy about keeping in contact and showing interest. They think that since you approached them, it is up to you to keep up communication and interest. If this happens the result is usually bad — no relationship ever occurs or the relationship ends quickly.
3. Nothing (romantic) happens
Sometimes you approach a guy and end up with nothing to show for it. You may end up becoming friends, which isn’t terrible, but probably not what you were looking for. Other times there are no tangible results; you part ways and contact dwindles or simply put, nothing happens.
What is your take on approaching men — do the pros outweigh the cons? Do you ever make the first move with men or do you always allow them to first? If you’re a guy, what do you think of being approached?