Open Question – What is the Most Attractive Personality Trait?


What is the single most attractive personality trait? In yourself, in a partner, or in general. Choose one.

My choice for the most compelling personality feature is individuality. Also known as personality, originality, and uniqueness. In a sense, everyone is an individual, but some people are more individual than others. And when they are, that is more alluring than any other personality trait. Individuality itself can include many separate attractive characteristics, that together make one, even more attractive trait.

What is your pick for the most fascinating personality feature? And why?


37 thoughts on “Open Question – What is the Most Attractive Personality Trait?

  1. vonnie,

    Intellectual curiosity is a good one. I love people who are interested in subjects outside of the mundane.

    Humor is good too, but I get bored if someone is trying to be funny all the time.

  2. wanderlust,

    Confidence would be my second choice. It’s a pretty popular choice, I’d say… few people find low self-esteem particularly compelling (unless they are a manipulator, in which case it comes handy ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

  3. Sherry,

    Eloquence…Inc? I didn’t know you loved her — so much love in the atmosphere.


    P.S. Everyone, don’t forget to say why you chose the trait; I’d like to know that too.

  4. It’s something I can recognize in people, but I am not able to describe it with one word. I usually call it “an innocent being” or “animal”. It’s when I sense a person is, really, an innocent being, like an innocent animal, free of ugly human stuff such as being mean, playing games, etc. Some people call it naivety, but this term has so many negative connotations.

    It’s the most attractive personality trait for me. You can be intelligent and original, and amazing in all those special ways, but if you’re not “innocent”, then, well, it’s not it.

    I chose it because I feel most comfortable with those people. I’m one of them (well, most of the time; sometimes I do act differently but it’s so tiring to be “cunning” and “read people” and make sure nobody is trying to trick you… I feel bad when I do it).

  5. Not sure what to say about confidence. I don’t think I’m particularly into it. I mean, it’s good to have confidence, but I don’t value it highly, and if there’s too much of it, it’s annoying.

  6. Mira,

    I remember the first time I heard you refer to someone as “some sort of animal” and I interpreted it the wrong way…ha.

    Do you have any examples? …Me? ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. I remember the first time I heard you refer to someone as โ€œsome sort of animalโ€

    I guess it can be interpreted the wrong way… But I do like/love animals very much, and comparing someone with an animal is a compliment in my book. ๐Ÿ˜€ I remember comparing my husband with a cow (on our first date), and he was: wtf!?! Luckily, he didn’t run away.

    PS- This isn’t the same as that “Bria Myles looks like a fawn” game. I’m talking about personality here. But I am not sure how to explain it, because I don’t understand it either.

    Do you have any examples? โ€ฆMe? ๐Ÿ™‚

    I don’t know, I think I have to meet the person in question to know.

  8. Mira,

    “I remember comparing my husband with a cow (on our first date), and he was: wtf!?! Luckily, he didnโ€™t run away.”


    A cow? That’s… unique. He certainly doesn’t look like one. What about his personality seems cow-like? And was that attractive? (usually I wouldn’t imagine it would be, but since you like animals…)

    “I donโ€™t know, I think I have to meet the person in question to know.”

    Yeah, I’m probably not nice enough anyway. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. I would say critical thinking. I am an INTJ (makes up only 4% of the world population) and really appreciate people who are logical and rational. It can be hard dealing with over emotional people.

  10. Sandy, you’re INTJ?… Sheesh, the internet is full of you people. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    INTJs are logical, definitely… rational, I don’t know about that one. INTJs certainly put up a good front of being rational, but I suspect many are “emotion stuffers” and are really passionately emotional people. I have an INTJ ex who certainly was. But that’s a little off-topic; I’ll save that for a future post.


    I love sincerity as well. Good choice. ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Miss Alee is soo fun!

    I have tried to grow those qualities in myself, and so when I meet someone who has them I admire them.

  12. Sherry,

    I am? Ha. Interesting. I don’t think I could help you in that arena though, because I had no idea I came off that way. ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. Well, my love for animals isn’t… neurotypicall. It’s one of the first things psychologists focused on. So trying to understand this might not be the best idea, lol.

    A cow? Thatโ€™sโ€ฆ unique. He certainly doesnโ€™t look like one. What about his personality seems cow-like? And was that attractive? (usually I wouldnโ€™t imagine it would be, but since you like animalsโ€ฆ)

    Cows are one of my favourite animals, and he has those beautiful brown eyes. Some would probably say “like a puppy”, but I said “little cow” before I could stop and realize what I was saying. Luckily, he didn’t freak out.

    I think this “innocence” I’m talking about might be described as “looking like a child”, with all child innocence. Kids are like that (well, until they turn 3 or so). But for some reason I always say “animal” instead of “child”. I guess using “child” would sound less… strange.

  14. Uh oh, I’m an INTJ too! At least I was when I took the test for the first time. That was years ago though… maybe I’m different now.

    This is a tough question, but maybe I’ll say open-mindedness. That can encompass a variety of things, but I’ve found that I’ve meshed best with people (men and women, friends and more than friends) who always were open to learning new things, visiting new places, trying new foods and having multifaceted discussions that could range from hot men to the NBA to the G8 summit.

    Nothing turns me off more than a person who constantly says, “I don’t like this,” “I don’t care about that” and “I don’t do that.”

  15. Mira,

    Oh, so you are talking about appearance? Or is it appearance intertwined with personality?


    You’re an INTJ?… What?

    “having multifaceted discussions that could hot men to the NBA to the G8 summit.”

    I don’t think these three are unrelated at all. ๐Ÿ™‚

    And if you like discussing those things then we’ll be good friends forever and you’ll love this blog. Yup. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  16. Oh, so you are talking about appearance? Or is it appearance intertwined with personality?

    I think it’s intertwined with personality. I just “feel” a person, and some people “feel” like they are innocent/animals/children. An animal I choose to compare a person with is often random, I think. I honestly don’t know how to explain this, since it’s, well, it’s one of those aspie traits.

    PS- I’m INTF

  17. Mira,

    Oh, I think I understand what you mean now.

    “PS- Iโ€™m INTF”

    You mean INFJ (or INTJ) ?

  18. My fun reference was to your comment on Eloquence, but I think you have a playful way about you in general.

    You asked folks to elaborate on why people picked the qualities they did. The qualities I picked are intelligence and eloquence because I value them, and have tried to grow them in myself. I think you have those too.

  19. So up until my 30th birthday or so, I would have said that “sense of humor” was the most compelling trait in another person, up until I realized that actually everybody has some sort of “sense of humor” … and what I really meant by “sense of humor” was “so do you laugh at my jokes?”.

    (because as somebody pointed out, it’s always all about me. Me. Me. Me.)

    And then becoming a father changed all that. So now that it’s no longer all about me, 24/7, I have more perspective to reflect on what really draws me to another person … what is the one feature that gets me every time?

    And I’d have to say it’s this intangible quality that some people have that they are living life right up to the edge of crossing “the line” in terms of living a life full of fun, mischief, and apparent irresponsibility, but actually they have never missed the airplane. At the end of the day, these are the people who will get into Heaven by the skin of their teeth … like they will surely be the ones standing at the EXCEPTIONS window of the Pearly Gates … arguing and pleading their case until they finally get in, and let there be no doubt, it will be a real “close one” when they do.

    But they will get in, and that’s the whole point.

    These are the people who really draw me in … the people who qualify for the finals of what has become my favorite life game … “Have the most fun, and still get into Heaven”.

    Some people are just really really talented at this game … Jennifer Aniston plays this character a lot … Will Smith … early Sean Connery. Certainly Holly Go Lightly makes the cut. Scarlett O Hara was probably this sort of person. Ditto Rhett Butler. I may even put Bill Clinton on the list, depends on the day actually. But Bill did cross over the line at the end, so he probably won’t get in despite his winning smile. The art of the game is staying just to the left of “the line”

    But you know these people when you meet them, sometimes they can be annoying, but never THAT annoying, and at day’s end, you get to know them and you realize that they are a lot more grounded in reality than they appear at first blush. They just like to have a lot of fun in life, yeah they “get away” with a lot of stuff, but at the same time they end up leaving the world quite a bit better of a place than they found it.

    These are the weasels that really appeal to me the most. They come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. And you know them when you meet them.

  20. I may even put Bill Clinton on the list, depends on the day actually.

    Bill Clinton? After all he’s done?

  21. My favorite is someone who is very humble and down-to-earth. I hate egocentric folks.

  22. For me it would be generosity(without expectations). I adore, love, worship givers, whether mentally, physically or monetary(the monetary referencing only charitable causes).
    Celebrities like Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Angelina Jolie. Non-celebrities like my sister and her Japanese hubby.

  23. “few people find low self-esteem particularly compelling”

    Of course. However, there is way more on the spectrum between confidence and low self-esteem. I find confidence sexy because the confident person is self assured and doesn’t need validation from anyone to be who they are. They know they aren’t perfect, they also aren’t trying to be and that is truly great.

    “I mean, itโ€™s good to have confidence, but I donโ€™t value it highly, and if thereโ€™s too much of it, itโ€™s annoying.”

    You are describing arrogance. I don’t value that highly at all, doubt many do.

  24. Rob – totally agree with you, funny I am on msn with a friend and asked him the question this post asks. He said sense of humour and I said well everyone has a sense of humour but we just want someone to have OUR sense of humour. Then I read what you wrote.

  25. Mira,

    INFJ? Interesting. You don’t really seem like one. But then you kind of do… anyway, we’ll talk about that another time. ๐Ÿ™‚


    Well, thanks! ๐Ÿ™‚


    You have children (and are older than 30)?!

    Surprising. I’d always pictured you a little younger. Anyway, good choice on that one. I know what you mean.

  26. changingmoods,

    That works, because you seem humble and down-to-earth (and quiet).


    Then how do you stand yourself?

    Lol. Just kidding. ๐Ÿ˜‰


    Ditto what I said to changingmoods, except change it to “confident”. ๐Ÿ™‚


    You’re right. It just seems that people that lack confidence tend to have a corresponding lack of self-esteem.

  27. I really appreciate genuine kindness not only in potential partners, but in people in general.

    Why kindness? Being around kind people has a positive effect on my mood and inspires me to be kinder to others.

  28. Alee I have to say first I love your blog. Its always a treat for me to read when I have a moment to settle down. Now back to the answer ๐Ÿ™‚ can I say humble and sincere?

  29. schnecke,

    “I really appreciate genuine kindness not only in potential partners, but in people in general…Being around kind people has a positive effect on my mood and inspires me to be kinder to others.”

    Great response.

    I do as well. I like positive, kind people; they are good for my soul. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Hi Nikisha. *kisses*

    Thanks. I love your blog as well.

    You can surely say humility and sincerity. I’d say that applies to you. As awesome as you are, you’re quite humble (sincerely!). ๐Ÿ˜‰

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