Profiles of the Emotionally Unavailable: The Ten

vain-man

Also known as the number one Hot Guy ™ or Hot Girl ™.

To some known as suffers of the Beautiful (Wo)man Syndrome.

The Ten

The Ten is the person whose great looks have carried them through life, and as a result, they never fully developed their personalities or inner life. The Ten learned early on that their physical appearance was the greatest asset they had to offer other people. They reacted to this message by further developing themselves physically, not mentally, and certainly not emotionally.

The Ten relies on the alluring power of their good looks to draw people to them. All beautiful people are not Tens, but all Tens are beautiful people. The Ten is unique in that they keep their emotional distance. Their relationships are based on appearance primarily, if not only, so they never have to actually connect with anyone, including their partner. Why should they? People stay around anyway because they’re gorgeous.

The Ten Plus You

Everyone loves the Ten, and they are rarely without a relationship. And if you begin a relationship with the Ten, your role is quite simple — adore, compliment, and complement the Ten. You must make sure the Ten remains confident in their appearance, and make sure that you serve as a good backdrop to their all-encompassing beauty.

You, like most people, are fine with this role at first. You feel proud and accomplished that you have such a good-looking person as a significant other. You see people look at you with jealousy or admiration as you walk by with your Ten. You can’t help but feel pleased.

But eventually this thrill gets old. You wonder where this relationship is going. You realize that you don’t really know the Ten and you want to get closer. You’re no longer satisfied with being their figurative or literal mirror holder. But the Ten has little to offer you. Since they never developed themselves emotionally, they are emotionally unavailable to you, themselves, and everyone else. Instead of an emotional connection, all you get is more shine and beauty.

The Ten Minus You

You might decide to end your relationship with the Ten, but more likely the Ten will decide to end their relationship with you. Either way, when your relationship with the Ten ends, your self-esteem may suffer a bit. Especially if you’re quickly replaced (a likely scenario since many are waiting for their chance with the Ten). You might wonder if you were ever worthy of the Ten — were you attractive enough? It’s tough being the ex of a Ten.

But what you should really be wondering is how lucky you are. Now you are free to find someone who can offer you more than physical beauty, someone who can offer you the emotional closeness that you need.

The Ten’s emotionally unavailability has nothing to do with you and everything to do with themselves. The Ten may never self-examine and connect with their inner self as closely as they have connected with their outer self. Until they do, they can’t have a full relationship with someone else. But that’s no longer your problem.

Have you ever been involved with a Ten?

See also:

  • Profiles of the Emotionally Unavailable:
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20 thoughts on “Profiles of the Emotionally Unavailable: The Ten

  1. We don’t really use this 1-10 scale to rate people here, so I never heard about anybody being considered “a 10” (or 6, 3, etc.) But sadly, I am familiar with this kind of personality.

  2. Well, lol I think I’m a 7-8 and hubby being a 9 (IMO at least). But whatever.

    Urgh, who would want to be with someone who you have to suck up to all the time.

  3. I think it’s more important what people think about themselves. If he looks like 10, but he thinks he’s 5-6, he’s a good relationship material! (At least in this aspect).

  4. Mira,

    “We don’t really use this 1-10 scale to rate people here, so I never heard about anybody being considered “a 10″ (or 6, 3, etc.)”

    Lol, it’s just a name to signify a really good-looking person. You could call them “trophy” or anything else, but the mindset would be the same. And the Ten doesn’t really have to be a “10” (could be an 11 or 12 😀 ).

    “If he looks like 10, but he thinks he’s 5-6, he’s a good relationship material!”

    I’d agree, but it’s sad someone has to think less of themselves just to be a decent partner.

    I think that guy you dated (the jock one) qualifies as a Ten.

  5. Nkosazana,

    “Urgh, who would want to be with someone who you have to suck up to all the time.”

    Who wouldn’t want a great-looking partner? 🙂

  6. I don’t think I’ve ever had a relationship with a Ten. I don’t think I’ve even gone on a date with a Ten. Maybe a Nine, but no Tens. Had a relationship with a guy or two I’d consider an Eight or 8 1/2, but that’s about it. I think I like 7 territory for the long-term. 🙂

    I don’t know… I mean, I like them from afar (Rick Fox is my Ten, lol), but I was never really interested in being with one seriously!

  7. Also i have heard many women say that it is better in a relationship if the women is more attractive than the man.

  8. Bunny,

    Lol. The person doesn’t have to actually be a 10 (in your opinion). What matters is that they are really good-looking (to most people), know they are, and are emotionally clueless. 🙂

    “I mean, I like them from afar (Rick Fox is my Ten, lol)”

    I nearly used Rick Fox as the main photo. He seems Ten-ish (though he’s aged pretty quickly!), but you probably know him a little better.

  9. Hi earthichick,

    “oh man…this is sooooo true.”

    Brings back memories, doesn’t it? 😀

    “Also i have heard many women say that it is better in a relationship if the women is more attractive than the man.”

    That was certainly the case in the study I wrote about in Physical Attractiveness in Relationships.

    It found that men who were rated as more attractive than their wives were less satisfied than those whose wives were rated as more attractive than them. But there was no effect if both partners were rated similarly attractive.

  10. @Alee
    i wonder what your study would conclude if it brought in the interracial variable? Will it be the same?

  11. earthichick,

    I’m not sure. I’m think it probably wouldn’t be the same, for various reasons. You’d also have to take into account (more) how race affects how the people are rated.

  12. know they are

    You’re right. If they believe themselves to be very good looking (and have had that backed up my copious amounts of female interest), then this behavior can develop. I’m the type that gets totally turned off by a man recognizing his “Ten” qualities and then acting as if he’s God’s gift… it’s amazing how quickly a bad personality can make me find a physically attractive man VERY ugly!

    As for Mr. Fox… I don’t know him super well and he was very nice to me. I always get the impression that he’s friendly to people, but I also get the impression that he knows he’s a catch (physically) and that probably carries over to his actual relationships with women.

  13. Oh Alee, I have dated some tens and got my feelings hurt. At times I thought I wasn’t good enough. I also have an ex that was a ten and I broke up with him because I realized he had nothing else to offer besides his looks. And as you said in your article that it was their problem, not mine. I learned that the hard way though.

  14. Bunny,

    “it’s amazing how quickly a bad personality can make me find a physically attractive man VERY ugly!”

    True, a bad personality does detract from physical attractiveness. (While a great personality adds very much to it)

    Of course Rick Fox knows he’s considered a catch! How could he not know with women having crushes on him for two decades? 🙂

  15. Nikisha,

    How could you think you weren’t good enough for a Ten? A Ten just has the looks; you have the looks and the personality. 😀

  16. Nikisha — just stating the plain truth. We all see it, but I’ll be one of the only ones saying it (in my articles and comments). 🙂

  17. I loved this post, Alee! I’ve had my share of 10’s, trust me. And everything you said about them is the bonafide truth! I actually thought I was 10 myself… that dream quickly got shattered when I met a “real 10”. Messed me slam up! LOL I was never the same after him, in a good way though. I don’t do 10’s anymore, at all! Eight and a quarter…maybe. 😀

  18. Deeone,

    Glad you loved it. 🙂

    ‘I actually thought I was 10 myself… that dream quickly got shattered when I met a “real 10″. Messed me slam up!’

    Lol.

    Yes, Tens can have you questioning yourself like, “Well, I thought I was great. But this guy…”

    “I don’t do 10′s anymore, at all! Eight and a quarter…maybe.”

    Ha. You guys are killing me with these numbers.

    I guess people like to stay in the 7/8 range. Hot, but not hot enough to come down with Ten syndrome?

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