Open Question: The Single Woman Life

life-of-a-single-woman

Women, what would you do if you were to be single for the rest of your life? How do you manage life as a single woman?

For as long as most people can remember, to be a single woman meant to be one of the most pitied and stigmatized creatures on earth. Far from being glamorous and fun, being a perpetually single woman meant that something was wrong with you. You apparently lacked the femininity and desirability of women who found happiness in marriage and family. The word “spinster” –an older unmarried woman– carried a connotation of loneliness, despair, and exclusion that few women wished to be branded with. The terms “single” and “happy” were rarely used in the same breath.

Nowadays there is the image of the Bachelorette and the Single Woman enjoying life to the fullest. Television shows and films such as Sex and the City highlight the ups and downs of the lives of single women, showing that single women’s lives aren’t much different from the lives of everyone else, and can in fact be more exciting and interesting. Women feel less pressured to be married and have focused more on other aspects of life.

But has life for the single woman truly changed? With upwards of half of all women being unmarried in countries such as the United States and Canada and single women outnumbering single men, many women may find themselves single. How will you adjust to the single life? Do you live as a single woman?

Advertisements

30 thoughts on “Open Question: The Single Woman Life

  1. I still think being a single woman is stigmatized regardless of what the media likes to show. Sure its not to the degree it use to be but theres so much focus on us being single and not men. Look at the Black woman marriage stats (rolls eyes REPEATEDLY on that topic but ANYWAYS), black men are only a few points higher yet thats not discussed.

    Im 30 and single without kids and I see the confused looks on people’s faces and then the pity. It gets on my damn nerves. I spent my twenties livin life to the fullest and enjoying my freedom. I never wanted to get married or have kids until fairly recently and now people are saying I told you so, you shouldve been more proactive and serious about finding a husband in your twenties. However, I dont regret it at all cause thats not what I wanted in my twenties. Now I would like to get married in the next few years and I believe I will get it but for now im not ashamed to be single at all. To hell with what others think.

  2. Jessica,

    “Sure its not to the degree it use to be but theres so much focus on us being single and not men. Look at the Black woman marriage stats (rolls eyes REPEATEDLY on that topic but ANYWAYS), black men are only a few points higher yet thats not discussed.”

    True, true. It does seem like being a single man is almost a badge of honor. It’s like you’re elusive and can’t be pinned down, which is of course a good thing in an avoidant-exalting culture. 🙂

    “Im 30 and single without kids and I see the confused looks on people’s faces and then the pity…I spent my twenties livin life to the fullest and enjoying my freedom. I never wanted to get married or have kids until fairly recently and now people are saying I told you so”

    I see so many women who are 30 or early 30s and unmarried and/or without children. It doesn’t seem odd at all; the average age of marriage and child-bearing has gradually risen since our mothers’/grandmothers’ times.

    Re: having children, there is no reason for them to pity you. Fertility peaks around 27-29, and only begins to decline after 35 and noticeably decline after 40. So you still have plenty of time.

  3. Well, If I’m ever single again for whatever reason.. I’ll probably be too busy taking care of the kids than to run around doing the sex in the city white woman thing.

    It really depends on what market your in I think. If you in a very competitive market for quality men then you really have to be proactive because there’s women out there on the hunt for them (if you want a quality husband).. if not then you can afford to slack a bit. But I think you guys in America got those IBMs who decide they want to settle down at 40 after ‘playing the field’ for a while, but then they want younger wives… Or so I’ve seen in video about BW dating in America.

  4. Nkosazana,

    Well if you’re single in general then you have to know that there are less single men than single women.

    “But I think you guys in America got those IBMs who decide they want to settle down at 40 after ‘playing the field’ for a while…”

    …If you concern yourself with those men. Probably the best step to take towards a relationship is only concerning yourself with men who want the same thing as you.

    I forgot where Bunny wrote how she went about seeking relationship (after being unsuccessful for a while). But she just basically had her criteria and automatically knocked out anyone who didn’t fit them, without a second glance.

  5. This is interesting. I think there’s still stigma of some sorts about being a single woman. However, the age when people start feeling sorry for you has changed: it was early 20s, now it’s early 30s.

    Being married still brings you some respect in my culture (I know it myself: people rarely respect me and they think I’m strange; but when I mention I’m married they suddenly change their attitude and consider me more… I don’t know… normal?)

    On the other hand, marrying too young is seen as bad, too. (And “too young” here means around 19 in villages to early 20s in major cities). I got married at the age of 24 and a half, and people considered it to be way too young. Hey, my mother got married when she was 29. I think late 20s are seen as more appropriate age (at least in Belgrade). When you’re too young of a bride, people assume you’re marrying because you’re pregnant. And if you’re married for some time and don’t have kids, they ask you why. Etc.

    Also, a strong effort has been made to promote single female life, in a sex & city kind of way. Well, not “single” single, but if you’re in your early to mid 20s (even late 20s) you’re seen as best if you’re in a long term relationship but not married. Much better than not having a boyfriend at all or being married at the age of 20.

  6. Mira,

    “…the age when people start feeling sorry for you has changed: it was early 20s, now it’s early 30s.”

    Good observation. I think it also depends on where in the world you live.

    “Being married still brings you some respect in my culture”

    Respect how? I mean, getting married isn’t some amazing feat that requires skill (now staying married might, lol).

    “When you’re too young of a bride, people assume you’re marrying because you’re pregnant.”

    24/25 doesn’t seem that young. When you think of marriage in relation to having children, marrying at 24/25 sets you up to have children around the peak fertility age of late 20s.

  7. As with most topics, I think discussions of the single life are usually full of stereotypes and a lack of understanding that one’s feelings about it could change with time.

    For example, when I was 25, I was not even thinking about marriage in a serious manner, even though I knew I wanted to marry. My life was neither sad, lonely and spinsterish, nor was it this crazy exciting existence like Sex in the City. I went to work, came home, went out with friends some nights, ate cereal in pajamas for dinner other nights, did some traveling each year, did some shopping, went on dates, had hobbies, volunteered and occasionally went to special events. It was a fun time. If I had had a serious boyfriend at 25, then yeah, maybe I would have been open to marrying then, but since I didn’t, I worked on living the fullest life I could have as a single woman.

    About five years later, I was ready for marriage. I didn’t stop enjoying my single life, I was just ready to move on. People don’t seem to understand that you might feel a certain way about being single at one point in your life, and totally differently about it at another point. I could say the same about those women who married young, divorced and now are enjoying a fulfilling single life in their 40s or 50s.

    Thank goodness no one close to me “pitied” me for being in my 20s or early 30s and single. Honestly, the only people I think who do that are some chauvinistic men (many of whom are single themselves but think that a woman’s singleness is some kind of negative statement about her value) or women who live limited lives and think that if you don’t have babies by 25, you’re an “old” mother or who think that they always have to “have a man,” even if that man isn’t one most women would touch with a 10-foot pole.

    Oh, and yes, I think single women are stigmatized, but I found something else odd when I decided I was ready to marry. “Older” women (in their 40s) who were often divorced, but often married themselves, would be the first ones to pooh-pooh my desire! They’d say I had plenty of time and not to rush and men ain’t blah blah blah… but of course, none of them were trying to leave THEIR husbands or if they had left, they’d always say in another breath how great it was that they had their children. It’s one thing to tell a 20-year-old to not rush, but come on, if I’m 30 and saying I’m ready to get married, what kind of sense does that make to say, “Oh, marriage ain’t all that, don’t rush it, take your time.” Uh, I think waiting until 30 is doing just that… and if I’m trying to have kids, exactly how am I supposed to accomplish that unless you’re recommending OOW pregnancy, hmmm?

  8. …If you concern yourself with those men. Probably the best step to take towards a relationship is only concerning yourself with men who want the same thing as you.

    I forgot where Bunny wrote how she went about seeking relationship (after being unsuccessful for a while). But she just basically had her criteria and automatically knocked out anyone who didn’t fit them, without a second glance.

    Yep, most freeing thing I ever did. 😉 The worst advice I probably got about dating was that I might need to wait for a guy to come around… like maybe he’s busy with work or just got out of a relationship or has had some family issues or is just not ready (like the IBMs), so just kinda hang around — and date other people too — and eventually, he might be ready.

    Bull. Crap. 🙂

    Even if you are dating other people, if you like one of those “not ready” guys, you’ll expend too much mental energy on him. Plus, in my case, men seemed to not be interested in getting serious with me if they sensed another dude hanging around. Which is odd because I thought that once you’re off the market, then that’s when they come running. But maybe because I wasn’t really off the market, that wasn’t the case for me.

    Anyway, yes, I did knock out men who didn’t fit my criteria, but the biggest thing I did was 100% cut loose any man who wasn’t looking for a serious relationship NOW. No friend zone, no hanging out (platonically or otherwise), nothing. Just bye bye, go away, leave me alone.

    It was interesting too how many men I managed to exclude that way… the funniest story I have was about a guy I met in Florida at a party in late 2008 when I was there for work. We were supposed to meet up in 2009, but he kept asking when I’d be coming to Florida. No effort on his part to come to where I was. Anyway, I met DH in early 2009 and we were married in late 2010.

    Florida guy emails me in late 2010 because he knew I’d be coming there in December. (My “team” was in a bowl game.) Mind you, I had not heard from him since 2009, but he thought he would just reach out and try again. He asked if we could meet up. I said, “Hey, you know, I appreciate the contact, but since we last talked, I met someone and we got married last month. He’s coming to Florida with me. Have a great holiday though!”

    Florida guy wasn’t a bad guy, but really? Come on, you claim you want to get married, and your effort is that weak? You mighta had a chance too, but some newcomer just stole the ball from under your nose and ran to the endzone before you even noticed you fumbled the ball!

    So yeah, I wasn’t concerned with IBMs, IWMs, whatever… once you focus only on men who are on your timeline, it’s all good. You don’t have to wait around when there are plenty of men out there who know what they want and will go after it!

  9. Bunny,

    “My life was neither sad, lonely and spinsterish, nor was it this crazy exciting existence like Sex in the City.”

    The best answer is usually somewhere in the middle. 🙂

    And you should never (allow people to make you) feel like a spinster in your mid-20s. Mid-20s? Really.

    “About five years later, I was ready for marriage. I didn’t stop enjoying my single life, I was just ready to move on.”

    I think I’ve hit that point. Except I’ve never really been single for any significant amount of time so I’ve never seen what a “full” single life entails. But the desire to get married and have children just hit me not too long ago, and it even scared me! I was always ambivalent about it before.

    “I could say the same about those women who married young, divorced and now are enjoying a fulfilling single life in their 40s or 50s.”

    You know, it’s funny because I’ve read that women in their 40s and 50s tend to enjoy single life more than women in their 20s and 30s.

    “I found something else odd when I decided I was ready to marry. “Older” women (in their 40s) who were often divorced, but often married themselves, would be the first ones to pooh-pooh my desire!’

    I don’t get it. What, are they trying to make sure you don’t find happiness in marriage? Or are they concerned you might go after their husbands?… makes no sense.

    “the funniest story I have was about a guy I met in Florida at a party in late 2008 when I was there for work…Florida guy emails me in late 2010 because he knew I’d be coming there in December… I said, “Hey, you know, I appreciate the contact, but since we last talked, I met someone and we got married last month. He’s coming to Florida with me. Have a great holiday though!”

    Ouch. That must have been a real shocker for him. But waiting over a year to make contact again, well, what did he expect.

    Lol at your football reference. That pretty much sums it up. 🙂

  10. And you should never (allow people to make you) feel like a spinster in your mid-20s. Mid-20s? Really.

    I know, right? Very few people in my college-educated cohort were married by 25. Some might have been getting engaged then, or were in the relationship that led to marriage by age 27-28 or so, but very few of my colleagues were actually married by 25. Or if they were, they were newlyweds — married less than a year.

    As I mentioned, the only people bringing up the spinster concept for mid-20s women seemed to be lesser-educated types. And many weren’t actually concerned about you being unmarried, it was more about you not “having a man,” or having a kid. Among that group, being 25 with a kid or two and a boyfriend but unmarried was fine. But to be unmarried, childless and no “man?” Oh the horror!

    (Again, I never encountered this much because I didn’t really have much contact with, um, limited people. But when I happened to run into people from that socioeconomic class, I became the poor sad childless woman. I was just annoyed at their ignorance more than anything.)

    I think I’ve hit that point. Except I’ve never really been single for any significant amount of time so I’ve never seen what a “full” single life entails.
    I spent most of my 20s single… actually, my longest relationship is the one with DH, and it’s only been 2 1/2 years! So that’s why it was even more baffling that people told me to keep enjoying my single life and not worry about marriage because I spent LESS time in relationships than most 20-somethings, I bet! So dangit, I deserved to say enough was enough!

    But the desire to get married and have children just hit me not too long ago, and it even scared me! I was always ambivalent about it before.
    When it hits ya, it hits ya! Honestly, looking back, I would have been happy marrying at 28 or 29… which means I would have taken the relationship search more seriously at 25 even if I didn’t want to marry at 25. I do think that if you see yourself marrying by a certain age, it’s good to start attempting to prepare for that at least three years in advance. But I also let too many of the “you have plenty of time” people keep me in that ambivalent state when I was really past it at around age 27.

    You know, it’s funny because I’ve read that women in their 40s and 50s tend to enjoy single life more than women in their 20s and 30s.
    I wonder if it’s because they’re probably experiencing single life with much more confidence than they did when they were younger. Also too, they might not be all that eager to remarry, if they care at all, so the idea of finding a partner doesn’t have to always linger in the back of their heads. A 40-year-old divorced woman is much more socially acceptable than a 40-year-old never married woman. The former escapes the “spinster” label.

    I don’t get it. What, are they trying to make sure you don’t find happiness in marriage? Or are they concerned you might go after their husbands?… makes no sense.
    I just think it’s projection. Usually, they married losers and their friends and family members all married losers and they all ended up single (and usually single mothers) in the end, so they just throw the marriage baby out with the bathwater… instead of simply saying that marriage didn’t work for them or they married the wrong guy. I think a lot of them honestly think they’re giving me good advice!

    Ouch. That must have been a real shocker for him. But waiting over a year to make contact again, well, what did he expect.
    You should have seen his email. Very terse. Something like, “That’s a really nice story. Congratulations and have fun in Florida.”

    I hope he learned a lesson though. When I met him at that party, he said he had been looking to marry for a while and didn’t think it would be “so hard” to meet the right person. He was 38 at the time too… so maybe, just maybe, he’s figured out that he’s met many potential Miss Rights along the way, but he’s been too passive in his pursuit.

    The IBMs on the other hand… well, that lesson doesn’t seem to work because they seem to be able to find a Miss Right regardless of how long they wait…

  11. Alee,

    24/25 isn’t too young, and I believe it is average age in which women marry in my culture. Still, in many ways it’s seen as too early for a city girl who’s still in university (freshman, to be exact). And even if I had my university degree, chances are that I wouldn’t have a job: you wait for years to get a decent job here, unless you have connections. So late 20s is the most common age for educated women in major cities (well, in Belgrade at least). Many women marry at a younger age, but sadly, it’s more often because of pregnancy and lack of university education than because they managed to get an university degree AND get a decent job AND be able to move out their parent’s house. (Did I mention that in my culture it’s expected for women to work, too? Or that kids leave their parent’s place in their late 20s/early 30s, if at all?)

    Plus, women in my family usually marry in their late 20s. My mother got married at the age of 29, my cousins also got married in their late 20s… So I do think I married quite young. But I also think it was due to circumstances: I wanted to marry my husband and to have a family, our family. Not sure how to explain it.

    “Being married still brings you some respect in my culture”

    Respect how? I mean, getting married isn’t some amazing feat that requires skill (now staying married might, lol).

    Not sure, but there is a different attitude towards me when people realize I’m married. I don’t understand it; I sure don’t respect any woman more because she’s married. But this might be just my case. I am seen as a bit… weird person (don’t know how to put it), who is strange, and socially awkward, and who doesn’t look like a woman (be it in femininity, attractiveness or, above all, in behavior). So I guess people have one picture of me, a single nerdy and awkward girl. But when they find out I’m married, it changes. Not sure how, but maybe they think that I might not be all that bad and strange if somebody wanted me. Or that I might not be that weird because I have a relationship (and sex- for some reason, people assume I’m fairly inexperienced). Or – and I think this is the most important – they realize the fact I am different than them (and these people are usually single themselves) is not due to the fact I am personally weird and awkward, but because my world and my life is completely different than theirs. So my lack of enthusiasm for socializing or going out at night or gossiping with them is not seen as me being unfriendly and cold anymore but simply belonging to a different social group.

    It’s like you are a teen and you see a girl you think it’s your age who is quiet and acts all mature. So you’ll think she’s weird. Then you learn she’s not a teen, but 25. Suddenly, she isn’t a “weirdo” anymore; she’s somebody who belongs to a different group whose behavior you expect to be different.

    The funny thing is, marriage has nothing to do with the way I socialize. I AM awkward and marriage didn’t change that. But I guess people try to explain my behavior now in a way they never did before.

  12. That is really good advice, knocking out people who dont fit your criteria without a second glance. Thats what im trying to do now and ultimately why I had to end my last relationship. No more of “wait and see what happens” with guys I already know are not gonna commit down the road. Its not easy at all for someone like me cause even at 30 im one of those women that have a very hard time not pursuing a hot guy (if I know I have a shot) even when he’s not best for me. I can do it though. The future that I want depends on it.

  13. Now, if you ask for my opinion about single women past socially acceptable age for being a single woman… Screw those “socially acceptable rules”.I sure don’t think anybody’s “desperate” for not being married. I mean, it’s ridiculous.

  14. Should add that for me personally, being married is something I’ve always wanted. My mum never got properly married to my dad so she was shunned by the married women in our neighbourhood as with the rest of the unwedded ones. Comes with township living I guess.

    Anyway, I find that being a wife amongst other wives is great. It’s really hard to find that feeling here in the west (I really only got one friend who is like that and she’s middle eastern and super Christian), but whenever I’m home I’m always invited to events with other wives, we cook food, gossip (black people gossips all the time in South Africa, seriously you have no a idea people), talk about our children and husbands (Favourite topic is MY husband for some reason *rolls eyes* I wonder why). Might sound boring to you girls with your iPods and speed dating but I find it fun even if it’s like super old fashion.

    Married life has its advantages, you just have to find a good husband. Being a wife in my country is now a privilege not a certainty nowadays, women who has little to no future except having a bunch of OOW children are very jealous and I don’t blame them. Marriages is one of the best ways to ensure stability and a man who will support you (not that it works out like that all the time but its the best way I can think off).

    Some men can’t afford to get married and some just leave a bunch of children around not a care in the world (50% of black children grows up without a father present at all in my country, I was shocked but not surprised when I heard that statistic)

  15. Might sound boring to you girls with your iPods and speed dating but I find it fun even if it’s like super old fashion.

    lol!

    Now I have a confession to make: I’ve never seen an iPod. Well, not in reality at least.

  16. My iPod only serves one purpose and thats to keep away strange and desperate men when im on the train. If your sitting there with nothing (no iPod, no book etc to look busy) your likely to be bothered and harassed if your female.

  17. Oh, to answer your first question, I couldn’t imagine being single for my entire life. I actually stopped pondering that question after a certain point in my life because I figured I had some degree of control over whether I stayed single for life or not!

    I think it’s fine if someone doesn’t want to get married. It’s great that women have the choice these days… so I don’t make the assumption that everyone must marry.

    For me however, I agree with Nkosazana’s last statement about the different experiences one has as a married woman versus a single woman. I think marriage is an important life stage that can provide lots of personal and emotional growth and I just can’t imagine not experiencing that… even if I become single again for some reason, I’ll be glad to have experienced marriage.

    And I’m glad too that I had a fruitful single life!

  18. Miss Bunny,

    What an eloquence set of posts. After all the J-U-N-K out there written about black women and marrying …

    This really struck me – because I figured I had some degree of control over whether I stayed single for life or not! How did you come to believe this? DATING is so dizzying and depressing to me that marriage is stuff of myth and legend.

  19. Sherry,

    Wow, thank you! I truly appreciate the compliment!

    As for your question.. I don’t know what happened honestly. It was kind of a epiphany one day that turned everything around, plus an approaching 30th birthday which made me start reflecting on my 20s and then asking myself what I wanted my next decade to be like.

    I think it hit me too when I was dating a guy and things were kind of in this limbo phase the whole time (three months)… and I noticed that was exactly how things went with the last guy who had potential (again, gone after three months, nothing ever official). People kept telling me I just was having bad luck, but then I realized that… I gave these guys too much power.

    Seriously, why was I being patient with them when they weren’t doing anything to move things forward with ME? Why was I letting them linger when they weren’t trying to, “win” ME?

    I was staying single because I was letting THEM control MY future! I was the one who wanted to have a relationship and marry, so if they didn’t want either and I was still with them, then I was messing myself up!

    It might sound cold-blooded, but I started considered men that I was just “dating” as expendable until they made themselves a factor in my life. I gave them a chance to do so, but if they wanted to do a lazy pursuit or barely pursue at all, NEXT! They were keeping me single by wasting my time and keeping me away from legitimate suitors, and I was allowing them to… thus… I had some degree of control over whether I stayed single or not!

    Hope that helps. 🙂

  20. I started dating Z when I was a college junior, so the only significant portion of my life that I spent single was between 19 1/2 and 21. A lot of people would say that doesn’t really count, but I was living it up when I was single. I’ve never wished for a relationship in general–whenever I’ve wanted a boyfriend, there’s been someone specific I’ve wanted, and I don’t think I’ve ever had enough time to lament being single.

    If Z and I get married, I don’t know if the fact that we met at 21 and 23 will make us the exception or the rule in our age group. I have no idea what it would be like to be single now though, since I work a lot, spend a significant amount of time with 7-year-olds, and don’t really have any close friends here (they all moved east!) 😦

  21. if you don’t want a kid it doesn’t really matter if you are single or married. If you want a kid, you should try to get married but living together is ok too.
    If you want to find guys who are primed for marriage find the ones graduating from some degree program in school. I think the percentage of guys who want to marry during that life changing time is really high.

  22. Bunny,

    “As I mentioned, the only people bringing up the spinster concept for mid-20s women seemed to be lesser-educated types. And many weren’t actually concerned about you being unmarried, it was more about you not “having a man,” or having a kid. Among that group, being 25 with a kid or two and a boyfriend but unmarried was fine.”

    Oh, those types. I know exactly what you’re talking about. One sector of the “gotta have a man” group. 🙂

    “The IBMs on the other hand… well, that lesson doesn’t seem to work because they seem to be able to find a Miss Right regardless of how long they wait…”

    Do they? Well, they’re just successful all around then. 😀

    Mira,

    “I guess people have one picture of me, a single nerdy and awkward girl. But when they find out I’m [married], it changes.”

    “my lack of enthusiasm for socializing or going out at night or gossiping with them is not seen as me being unfriendly and cold anymore but simply belonging to a different social group.”

    I get those: that makes sense.

    “It’s like you are a teen and you see a girl you think it’s your age who is quiet and acts all mature. So you’ll think she’s weird. Then you learn she’s not a teen, but 25.”

    I had an experience like that last week. This girl at a meeting kept looking at me expecting me to talk to her and I didn’t. When we had some free time in the meeting she came up to me asked me and eventually she asked how old I was. She was shocked because she thought that I was 17/18 like her, and she was thinking I was trying to act “grown up” or being rude by not talking to her.

    People always think I’m in high school, and I really hate looking young… but that’s another topic.

    ‘Haahaha!!!! I can’t believe I actually wrote “pregnant” instead of “married”.’

    Ha, I hadn’t even noticed that until you mentioned it. But fixed.

    However, I look forward to the day you (and Bunny) announce your pregnancies. 😀

  23. Jessica,

    “Its not easy at all for someone like me cause even at 30 im one of those women that have a very hard time not pursuing a hot guy (if I know I have a shot) even when he’s not best for me.”

    Oh, I see you have the Hot Men Achilles Heel. I’m also afflicted, so I understand completely. But I think I’ve found a guy who is both hot and good for me, so I might be on my way to recovery. 🙂

    About the iPod, you have to be careful with that. You can use it on transportation, but if you’re walking outside you won’t want to have them on too loud. Someone could easily creep up behind you/follow you, and you’d have no idea because you wouldn’t be able to hear them.


    Nkosazana,

    “I find that being a wife amongst other wives is great…whenever I’m home I’m always invited to events with other wives, we cook food, gossip…Might sound boring to you girls with your iPods and speed dating but I find it fun even if it’s like super old fashion.”

    Lol. It doesn’t sound old-fashioned. I think even with new technology, there is comfort in things like hanging out gossiping (that’s if I gossiped, which I definitely don’t :P).

    I’m glad you feel happy to be a wife. I always pictured you as the happy wife so it’s nice to have ample confirmation. 🙂

  24. Sherry,

    I completely agree with Bunny that you have a large degree of control over whether you’re single or not. Like most things in life — you make it happen or not happen!

    And I 1000% co-sign that women who find themselves in and out of relationships are giving men too much control.

    Jasmin,

    “I was living it up when I was single. I’ve never wished for a relationship in general–whenever I’ve wanted a boyfriend, there’s been someone specific I’ve wanted, and I don’t think I’ve ever had enough time to lament being single.

    …I have no idea what it would be like to be single now though, since I work a lot, spend a significant amount of time with 7-year-olds, and don’t really have any close friends here”

    You’re like the opposite of Nkosazana — career woman. I see you as the very independent, take-or-leave a relationship type and I think even if you were single for the rest of your life you would probably be too busy to realize it! 😉

  25. Tony,

    “if you don’t want a kid it doesn’t really matter if you are single or married.”

    Why is that? 🙂

    “If you want to find guys who are primed for marriage find the ones graduating from some degree program in school. I think the percentage of guys who want to marry during that life changing time is really high.”

    Keep point is graduating. The ones still in school either are not interested or think they are but are really wasting your time!

  26. Miss Alee,
    I am a “make it happen” woman everywhere else in my life, and why? because everywhere else I only need MY effort With a relationship I need someone else’s buy in. I can’t make anyone excited about me …

  27. “Honestly, the only people I think who do that are some chauvinistic men (many of whom are single themselves but think that a woman’s singleness is some kind of negative statement about her value) or women who live limited lives and think that if you don’t have babies by 25, you’re an “old” mother or who think that they always have to “have a man,” even if that man isn’t one most women would touch with a 10-foot pole”.

    Bunny gets a standing ovation for this b/c I was thinking it and then she said exactly word for word. I wrote a post about my choice to be single b/c I got so tired of people who thought that I was “wasting myself” b/c I’m not married with kids. So heck yeah, single women are definitely stigmatized big time.

  28. Sherry,

    I am a “make it happen” woman everywhere else in my life, and why? because everywhere else I only need MY effort”

    Not true! You need others’ help in most areas — work (how would you get hired, promoted, a raise, if not for other people), friendship, etc. Relationships might seem different, but the amount of effort you put in (not only in the relationship but figuring out how they work, how to go about them, what you will or will not put up with, etc) will be a large factor in what you get out.


    Udara,

    Tell them that you’re not wasting yourself but saving yourself to be cloned — if you have children you only pass on ~50 percent of your genes to each one. 😛

  29. I’m glad you feel happy to be a wife. I always pictured you as the happy wife so it’s nice to have ample confirmation. 🙂

    I was expecting comments of the kind of you are setting back women 100 years.

    Why shouldn’t I be happy, being a wife is good (as long as the husband is a good man). I’m the envy of a lot of women (lol).

    You should try it Alee 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s