It’s been a long time coming, but I’ve nearly reached a decision. I’m thinking of discontinuing my writing on this blog, and shutting it down for good.
Why am I contemplating this? Two major reasons.
First, I simply don’t have enough time to devote to this blog as I used to. One post every week or so is not often enough, in my view, to keep a lively and enjoyable blog. It’s not fair to regular visitors and commenters to arrive hoping there will be something new and see the same post they’ve already read. My schedule won’t be changing any time in the near future –except to become more hectic and busy– so closing the blog seems like a possibly good option.
The second reason is probably the most important — the visitors. I’ll just be honest and say that a certain segment of semi-regular and regular visitors I find intolerable, if not horrid. They don’t motivate me to write or share my thoughts on this blog or elsewhere, and in fact I’ve cut down on my time here knowing that they are around or will be around.
When I began this blog I hoped to create a place where I could share what I’d been researching or thinking about at the moment, and a place where people could come to discuss life issues and happenings and just hang out, free of worries. And for a good amount of time, this blog was that and was fun for me and hopefully for others. It was a place I loved and was proud of. Not so anymore.
Beyond the more frequent disagreement that come with a more established and growing blog, nowadays I feel as though I should be Mirandized before adding to this blog — anything I say can and will be used against me. This has led to me avoiding the blog and contributed to the infrequency of my posts and comments. I just don’t trust some that visit this blog, and if I can’t trust someone, I can’t continue to interact with them, directly or indirectly.
Some of these visitors-I-could-do-without are people I’ve since known to dislike me for their personal reasons, but others I’ve considered friends and acquaintances in the past. The latter group particularly worry me because I’ve devoted so much time and energy to this blog and the people in it. I meant it when I said that I truly do care about everyone I’ve interacted with here, and it’s just off-putting to know that these same people don’t have a shred of care for me. I’ll never understand how you could be so completely malicious and heartless, but I’ve given up trying to understand.
This doesn’t apply to all visitors. Many of you I enjoy and like very much, and I very much hope that things would remain that way. To those who it does apply — you know who you are. One would think that if you disliked me you’d just stop visiting my blog. If only I could be rid of you, experiences I’ve had with you, and everyone associated with you, I would consider myself so lucky. But it’s clear that you’ll never leave. So I’ll leave instead.
This isn’t so much an “I give up” as it is an “I won’t do this any longer.” As mentioned, this has been a long time coming. At this point I no longer have the time or energy to deal with this blog and those who surround it. I am open to other suggestions as to how to move forward, but my current thinking is to close the blog.