The Future of A Lofty Existence

sunset

It’s been a long time coming, but I’ve nearly reached a decision. I’m thinking of discontinuing my writing on this blog, and shutting it down for good.

Why am I contemplating this? Two major reasons.

First, I simply don’t have enough time to devote to this blog as I used to. One post every week or so is not often enough, in my view, to keep a lively and enjoyable blog. It’s not fair to regular visitors and commenters to arrive hoping there will be something new and see the same post they’ve already read. My schedule won’t be changing any time in the near future –except to become more hectic and busy– so closing the blog seems like a possibly good option.

The second reason is probably the most important — the visitors. I’ll just be honest and say that a certain segment of semi-regular and regular visitors I find intolerable, if not horrid. They don’t motivate me to write or share my thoughts on this blog or elsewhere, and in fact I’ve cut down on my time here knowing that they are around or will be around.

When I began this blog I hoped to create a place where I could share what I’d been researching or thinking about at the moment, and a place where people could come to discuss life issues and happenings and just hang out, free of worries. And for a good amount of time, this blog was that and was fun for me and hopefully for others. It was a place I loved and was proud of. Not so anymore.

Beyond the more frequent disagreement that come with a more established and growing blog, nowadays I feel as though I should be Mirandized before adding to this blog — anything I say can and will be used against me. This has led to me avoiding the blog and contributed to the infrequency of my posts and comments. I just don’t trust some that visit this blog, and if I can’t trust someone, I can’t continue to interact with them, directly or indirectly.

Some of these visitors-I-could-do-without are people I’ve since known to dislike me for their personal reasons, but others I’ve considered friends and acquaintances in the past. The latter group particularly worry me because I’ve devoted so much time and energy to this blog and the people in it. I meant it when I said that I truly do care about everyone I’ve interacted with here, and it’s just off-putting to know that these same people don’t have a shred of care for me. I’ll never understand how you could be so completely malicious and heartless, but I’ve given up trying to understand.

This doesn’t apply to all visitors. Many of you I enjoy and like very much, and I very much hope that things would remain that way. To those who it does apply — you know who you are. One would think that if you disliked me you’d just stop visiting my blog. If only I could be rid of you, experiences I’ve had with you, and everyone associated with you, I would consider myself so lucky. But it’s clear that you’ll never leave. So I’ll leave instead.

This isn’t so much an “I give up” as it is an “I won’t do this any longer.” As mentioned, this has been a long time coming. At this point I no longer have the time or energy to deal with this blog and those who surround it. I am open to other suggestions as to how to move forward, but my current thinking is to close the blog.

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26 thoughts on “The Future of A Lofty Existence

  1. No, no Babee Girl! Once a week or two is fine. I rather wait and get something good, than have new drivel everyday. You don’t know how many times I came here because it was such a calm oasis on the www …

    On to the visitors that won’t leave. I am sorry that these sillies have wounded a sweet baby girl, but I think they will lose their sting in time. If you think about it, their regular visits point to how pitiful their lives are: if they don’t care for you and your writing, why do they visit and/or bother to comment?

  2. Sherry,

    Yes, for you once or twice a week could work because you’re subscribed. But a lot of people –like me– don’t subscribe to blogs but just visit them when they come online, and for those people, if they never see anything new, they’ll stop visiting.

    It’s just that I don’t feel comfortable writing much here because people find ways to twist it or hold it against me. Even not saying anything personal, people still find a reason to be offended or gossip, e.g. one commenter felt that I play favorites and like a certain commenter more than anyone else. For that reason and others, she left, and not amicably.

    “On to the visitors that won’t leave. I am sorry that these sillies have wounded a sweet baby girl, but I think they will lose their sting in time.”

    The truth is, I have a hard time dealing with cruel behavior. But it’s nothing new to me, really, and I’d be fine except I don’t feel comfortable here. I don’t feel like I can just be.

    So if I don’t feel comfortable here, then why should I stay? I would never stay in any another place where I can’t be open and feel weary of the people there. I could make the blog private, but that would severely limit new commenters coming in since so many find the blog through search engines or other blogs.

    “If you think about it, their regular visits point to how pitiful their lives are: if they don’t care for you and your writing, why do they visit and/or bother to comment?”

    Something about me evokes strong reactions in people. I really try to be as inconspicuous as possible, but alas. And when someone’s reacted to me, many times I can never get rid of them: they stick to me, for better or worse.

  3. What the…

    I think #1 is not so much of a problem, though yes, it hurts your readership and your blog’s popularity (I know this very well myself; I sometimes post one blog per month and obviously nobody’s going to stick with me). But even with a busy schedule, it is possible to maintain a blog even if you can blog only once per 2 weeks.

    The number #2 is what I worry about more. I have no idea what’s going on, but shit, fuck, it looks like crap like this has to happen sooner or later.

    If you still feel like blogging and posting, you can always open another blog and start over. But I understand if it’s not something you feel like doing at the moment.

    I’d really like to keep in touch with you and I’d love to read your blog, but I totally understand it’s impossible to achieve when you’re not into it.

  4. It really boggles my mind the negative feedback you receive. I have witnessed a bit in comments. I’m sorry people are such dicks. One might disagree with you or others but to be cruel about it there is just no need. There is room to disagree with people and be civil about it. These people clearly have not gotten that memo.

    As I am subscribed I suppose it is easy for me to say that I am ok with less posts but in the end you have to do what you think is best. Let it be known that I don’t want you to stop writing but even if you do it doesn’t have to be permanent right? You said the main thing is your schedule and if you don’t have the time commitment. I know you said in the near future it will only get more hectic but after that who knows. You can always come back.

  5. Hugs…

    I don’t know what’s going on, but I understand your decision to do whatever is best for you, even if that means closing the blog. I’ve kinda shifted focus myself away from commenting in many venues, as I’m now occupied with a lot of different life changes.

    But in regards to the visitors — this kind of stuff was always the reason why I never started a blog myself. I applaud anyone who’s able to do it, but I was always nervous about the “outsiders” who would use my personal life against me.

    Anyway, best wishes to you. 🙂

  6. Hey Alee, this Sophia posting. I’m taking after your example and others I admire and started my own blog. It’s more diet and health focused than anything so hopefully it remains calm (if I am actually consistent about posting).
    Sorry to hear about negative stuff going on. Like Bunny and the rest, I have no idea what is going on but I respect your decision. And I enjoyed reading content from you and feedback from the regulars here. You built a nice comfy corner in the Internet.

  7. oh alee, don’t leave. Is the negativity that bad? It seems like the blog world is scary but I guess it’s okay to leave if it’s an inconvenience . Your last post was cool and I was looking forward to the follow up, now you’re leaving 😦

  8. Mira,

    At the moment I could do one post a week, but my schedule after summer will be more hectic. Although even having time for one post, I would have to think to write it because I honestly don’t think about the blog much anymore. This is the last place I go online, and usually only to answer comments.

    “If you still feel like blogging and posting, you can always open another blog and start over.”

    That is a good idea. My mother suggested similar (it was her birthday yesterday so I asked her to have an old[er] person’s perspective). I will think about it. The only issue with that would just be “Who’s next?” Even if I started a new blog, over time new visitors would make their way over and some of them are bound to end up being the type I don’t need or want.

    We’ll keep in touch regardless. I have your email address, and everyone else’s. And I’ll keep my aloftyexistence gmail.

    wanderlust,

    “It really boggles my mind the negative feedback you receive. I have witnessed a bit in comments.”

    The issue isn’t even so much with the comments. If it’s a comment from someone who happened to find a certain post and they comment to disagree with it, that’s okay. Critiques are welcome. I have views, and I put them out there, and it’s only obvious that someone (or many someones) in the universe will disagree.

    However, many of the issues took place off this blog, but still involved people who know me from here/other online folks.

    “Let it be known that I don’t want you to stop writing but even if you do it doesn’t have to be permanent right?”

    It doesn’t. I just wonder if it’s worth it. No one is paying me, and all I had in blogging were people I liked to talk to and considered online friends. But if I don’t have that, what do I have? There is just little incentive to continue blogging.

  9. Hi Bunny,

    Thanks for your hugs and wishes.

    Blogging isn’t too bad, but yes, you need to watch how much of yourself you put out there. When you’re a blogger people think they can discuss your personal life as if you were a celebrity or something, it’s kind of odd. I just thought that I knew everyone here somewhat well so I didn’t have to be so closed off. But whichever road I take, I’ve learned I need to detach myself from my work.

    Hi Sophia,

    Great new blog! I was thinking of excising myself from blogs as a whole, but I may stop by your blog. I’m more or less only on health and fitness blogs now, and yours looks interesting. Thank you for the kind comment.

  10. jennifer,

    “oh alee, don’t leave. Is the negativity that bad?”

    It’s pretty bad. I think people misunderstand my personality to a large extent and I can never make a mistake (i.e., a mistake according to someone else), or else I pay for it for seemingly ever. But I can only twist and contort myself so much to fit to everyone’s whims. And I’m getting sick of doing it, for people who end up throwing me under the bus anyway.

    I’ll say that my personality doesn’t fit with everyone’s, for sure. I don’t get along too well with judgmental/moralistic, overly defensive and sensitive, whimsical, or passive-aggressive people. So I take some of the blame, for not distancing myself from people like this when I noticed they had these traits. I’m just so tired of fighting.

    “Your last post was cool and I was looking forward to the follow up, now you’re leaving 😦 “

    I know — I feel bad for newer people. I got a bunch of new subscribers in the past month, and I just thought, “Well, great time to subscribe!” But I’ll do what I can; I’m still thinking about everything.

  11. Well anything that is convenient for you is cool with me 🙂 although I did give the side eye to a couple of posters on your blog that appeared so friggin judgmental, it’s still a cool place.

  12. I TOTALLY understand this decision. Many reasons why I could never start my own blog and these two you mentioned are the main reasons.

    It was great getting to know a little about you and I wish you the very very best for any future endeavours.

  13. Thanks jen; glad you thought so. 🙂

    foosrock,

    I don’t want to scare anyone from blogging. It isn’t so bad, but I personally am just not motivated to deal with it and everything that comes with it. But every blog is different and I do think that the people who surround a blog are influenced by the blogger’s own personality and style of writing (And what that says about me, I’ll try to avoid thinking about. Lol). So everyone may not have the issues that I’ve had.

  14. Hey Alee I know you have a lot on your plate and blogging can be hard but I hope you keep in touch and maybe do something once a month but if you can’t we understand. We support whatever you want to do.

  15. Hi Bellydancer,

    Thank you. 🙂

    I’m still thinking about everything. I’ll make a post letting everyone know of my decision.

  16. I don’t think blogging has to be this stressful. It depends on what you write about. If you focus on cake recipes or your cat or something like that, chances are you’ll never encounter this sort of things. Heck, even if you turn your blog into a diary chances are you’ll be fine.

    But if you deal with certain issues people feel strongly about and stuff like that, yes, it will get tricky sooner or later.

  17. If you blog about your cat, you probably won’t have any readers so yes, it wouldn’t be stressful. 🙂

    Diaries have been known to become stressful. If you lead a particularly… unique life, like this one woman who was an escort and wrote about her clients, then yes, you might get some push back.

  18. I noticed that your blog has a page rank 2 which is pretty good. You’ve also hosted it on the free WordPress which means you aren’t earning any revenue for your work since it doesn’t allow adsense ads. Try blogspot and sign up for adsense. A page rank 2 website should earn some pocket change with adsense. A post once a week should be enough to sustain your current ranking.

  19. I am so sorry to see you go, but I understand. I’ve seen it happen so many times before how bloggers experience burnout. It’s a combination of things and never just one. I used to comment on many blogs quite frequently, but witnessed the ugliness. I just had to back away from the toxic negativity. Some people have a major chip on their shoulder– more like boulders. They use the Internet as a way to spew their rage on a regular basis and it’s sad. Alee, you do what is best for you always. I will miss you.

  20. Kam,

    “I noticed that your blog has a page rank 2 which is pretty good.”

    Well, that’s news to me. Shocking. Google decided to demolish my traffic a month or so ago, so I didn’t know they loved this blog at all…

    Chances of me moving to blogger — 0. 🙂 I would go self-hosted way before Blogger.

    Thanks for letting me know!

  21. madamesiamese,

    “It’s a combination of things and never just one.”

    Yes, it’s a combination of things. And I guess blogging is made for those who really, really like the press, positive or negative. Whereas this blog kind of started off with just people I knew and liked, so I didn’t expect some things that occurred down the line. But I’ve learned, it’s been a learning experience.

    “Alee, you do what is best for you always. I will miss you.”

    Thank you. 🙂

    @Everyone,

    If you’re wondering if you’re one of those visitors mentioned in the post, don’t! If you have to wonder, then it isn’t you. I’m straightforward — if I’m not too happy about you/your actions, there won’t be any ambiguity about it.

    And okay, I’ve just been putting off the inevitable but I’ll post my decision in a follow-up post on Monday/early next week at latest.

  22. While I consider myself a neophyte at blogging (mainly due my perceived inconsistency), after coming across your blog (today) and hearing your heart with regard to its potential dissolution, may I encourage you, even if you do not post any more, (I hope you will reconsider) to at least not delete the site.

    It is a veritable repository of insightful, well-articulated and engaging discourse; and therefore at a minimum, quite valuable in and of itself. Yes, there are those responders who will, in their obtuse ways, try and prop up their point of view with little thought attributed to what they are commenting on.

    Thank you so much for sharing a part(s) of who you are.

  23. Hi Stafford,

    THanks for stopping by and thanks for your kind comment. It will be a tough decision, but I’m glad to know people like(d) it here.

  24. Don’t shut the blog down totally; leave it up for posterity. Blogging can be draining, believe me I know, so if you don’t have the desire to write here anymore that’s totally understandable.

    If you just feel like writing something every so often you can always guest post over at Beyond Black and White. I’m sure Chris would be glad to have you and there is no commitment you would have to make to posting regularly–it would be strictly on an ‘as you desire’ basis. We’re always looking for people who want to add a different ‘flavor’ over there when it comes to coming up with novel posting topics.

    I’m also considering starting up a group blog some time in the future, if you think you would ever be interested in writing again then stay in touch with me. I’m a senior editor over at BBW and I look forward to continuing in that position for some time to come, so you should be able to find me over there for the foreseeable future.

    Good luck with everything.

    Jamila

  25. I am so sorry to see you go. I really looked forward to your posts. I agree with Stafford that your posts were insightful and engaging and I hope you do leave the blog up to benefit those who will discover it in the future.

    I actually prefer a blog with weekly or less frequent posts. I don’t want my life to revolve around the internet and feel that I have to carry my laptop with me in order to keep up with a blog. I realized a few weeks ago that I was spending way too much time on the internet reading “empowerment” blogs and was being affected by the negativity expressed by the blog hosts as well as the participants, so I stopped visiting those blogs. I appreciate quality over quantity. It takes time to produce quality material like yours. Many of the other blogs with several posts per week are very redundant. How many times can a person talk about the same thing without becoming boring?

    Like you, I read only health and fitness blogs now. Life is too short to spend precious time absorbing other people’s anger.

    Whatever you decide, good luck.

  26. Hey Jamila,

    Thanks for your input. Posting for BB&W sounds fun, but the idea of taking on anymore projects is just daunting. I think I just take on too much and periodically I just need to let it all go. (People included.) But I’ll consider it for the (far, far) future. 🙂

    Ann,

    I hear you on the very frequent posts! Even when I was blogging more regularly, I didn’t do once a day, except at the very start. I know how tedious it can be to keep up with all the posts and comments.

    “Like you, I read only health and fitness blogs now.”

    So many into health and fitness here. Maybe I should start a blog centered around that…Just joking. 😉

    “Life is too short to spend precious time absorbing other people’s anger.”

    I just couldn’t agree more.

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