Profiles of the Emotionally Unavailable: The Ten

vain-man

Also known as the number one Hot Guy ™ or Hot Girl ™.

To some known as suffers of the Beautiful (Wo)man Syndrome.

The Ten

The Ten is the person whose great looks have carried them through life, and as a result, they never fully developed their personalities or inner life. The Ten learned early on that their physical appearance was the greatest asset they had to offer other people. They reacted to this message by further developing themselves physically, not mentally, and certainly not emotionally.

The Ten relies on the alluring power of their good looks to draw people to them. All beautiful people are not Tens, but all Tens are beautiful people. The Ten is unique in that they keep their emotional distance. Their relationships are based on appearance primarily, if not only, so they never have to actually connect with anyone, including their partner. Why should they? People stay around anyway because they’re gorgeous.

The Ten Plus You

Everyone loves the Ten, and they are rarely without a relationship. And if you begin a relationship with the Ten, your role is quite simple — adore, compliment, and complement the Ten. You must make sure the Ten remains confident in their appearance, and make sure that you serve as a good backdrop to their all-encompassing beauty.

You, like most people, are fine with this role at first. You feel proud and accomplished that you have such a good-looking person as a significant other. You see people look at you with jealousy or admiration as you walk by with your Ten. You can’t help but feel pleased.

But eventually this thrill gets old. You wonder where this relationship is going. You realize that you don’t really know the Ten and you want to get closer. You’re no longer satisfied with being their figurative or literal mirror holder. But the Ten has little to offer you. Since they never developed themselves emotionally, they are emotionally unavailable to you, themselves, and everyone else. Instead of an emotional connection, all you get is more shine and beauty.

The Ten Minus You

You might decide to end your relationship with the Ten, but more likely the Ten will decide to end their relationship with you. Either way, when your relationship with the Ten ends, your self-esteem may suffer a bit. Especially if you’re quickly replaced (a likely scenario since many are waiting for their chance with the Ten). You might wonder if you were ever worthy of the Ten — were you attractive enough? It’s tough being the ex of a Ten.

But what you should really be wondering is how lucky you are. Now you are free to find someone who can offer you more than physical beauty, someone who can offer you the emotional closeness that you need.

The Ten’s emotionally unavailability has nothing to do with you and everything to do with themselves. The Ten may never self-examine and connect with their inner self as closely as they have connected with their outer self. Until they do, they can’t have a full relationship with someone else. But that’s no longer your problem.

Have you ever been involved with a Ten?

See also:

  • Profiles of the Emotionally Unavailable:

Who Likes a Narcissist?

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Hugh Laurie as Gregory House, M.D.

Did you know that people who rank high on the traits of narcissism are more popular and likeable at first meeting?

Narcissism is a strong sense of self-importance, combined with self-focus and extremely high levels of self-esteem. The basic aspects of narcissism are arrogance, low empathy, a liking for leadership and authority, self-admiration, and a tendency to exploit or manipulate others. Narcissists usually have difficulty with long-term relationships and relationships in general, since their extreme self-focus hinders them from getting along well with others.

It has long been suspected that a large number of narcissists take part in public arenas such as the performing arts or are in leadership positions like politics and business. And this theory may have support in the findings of a few studies that, initially, narcissists are seen as more agreeable, competent, and well-adjusted than non-narcissists.These traits allow them to gain the trust of others who help them to gain positions of fame and authority.

But why are narcissists so popular with other people? The reason is very simple — narcissists exhibit traits which people tend to like in others: confidence, attractiveness, warmth, and humor.

1. Confidence

Narcissists, having a strong sense of self-importance and esteem, exude confidence in their body movements and expressions. And this isn’t just for appearances. Narcissists are very assured in themselves and their abilities; they tend to believe few people are as special as they are.

2. Attractiveness

Narcissists crave positive feedback that confirms their sense of superiority. So they put much effort into their physical appearance, dressing in neat and eye-catching clothing and playing up their physical features. Their appearance gains the attention and affirmation of others.

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Tyra Banks, supermodel and TV personality

3. Warmth

Despite not being very empathic, narcissists know well how to behave friendly and sociable. They are charming and fun, realizing that these traits are attractive to others. Their strong social skills get them the admiration they want, and feel as if they deserve.

4. Humor

Everyone likes a funny person, right? Narcissists are aware of this, since they are very observant of others and their reactions. As a result they are fond of humor, using jokes and witty expressions to allure other people and, as always, gain their admiration and affection. And they do, at least for a little while.

These traits are not just appealing to others. If a person has all four of these characteristics, the likelihood of them being a narcissist is increased. So next time you meet someone who checks off all the boxes, instead of being impressed by them, you might want to be cautious. Narcissists are only likeable in the short-term — their self-involvement and lack of concern for others ultimately troubles their relationships and the people around them.

And the answer to “Who likes a narcissist?” Why, you, of course.

See also:

The Manipulative Personality

manipulative-personalityManipulators attempt to indirectly control or influence the actions and behavior of others. Instead of being direct with their methods, the manipulator uses underhanded tactics to force their will. Because they are subtle, the manipulative personality easily goes undetected and overlooked, and the person or people being manipulated don’t realize what’s going on until it’s too late. Or not at all. They may believe that they are obligated to do what the manipulator wishes, and feel guilty if they don’t. The manipulative personality may be a family member, friend, or colleague.

With experience or learning, the manipulative personality is much easier to recognize. But many people learn through hard experience what manipulative behavior looks like, and it doesn’t have to be that way. The safest way to learn about the manipulative personality is from a distance, from those who have studied these personalities.

Experts agree that there are three main types of manipulative personality:

  • The Narcissist — The Narcissist is the ultimate manipulator. They are egotistic, self-absorbed and feel entitled to nearly everything they desire. They lack empathy and consideration for others, so they will easily manipulate to their own gain. They think it is their right to have others do what they say.
  • The Needy — The Needy person is the most difficult type of manipulator to let go of. They are experts at making you feel sorry for them, and making you feel like you are the only person that can help them. Some Needy personalities don’t realize that they are manipulative. They have learned to depend on others for their needs, and simply don’t know how to get along without help. They may cry or become offended when accused of manipulation. Those that realize they are manipulative may become passive-aggressive in their attempts to regain control.
  • The Martyr — This type of personality will give you everything — but at a price. They will do you favors, give you special attention, and be overly considerate, but they expect much in return. Their giving is tied to their desire to be considered a “good person” or be considered important to another person. They “cash in” on the favors they’ve done for you to get you to comply with their wishes. Common phrases heard from the Martyr include, “After all I’ve done for you” and “I would do it for you.”

The most common methods of manipulation are flattery, guilt-tripping, repetition, assumption, confrontation, and gaslighting: a way of twisting information in such a way that the person being manipulated begins to doubt their own perceptions and memory.

The best way to deal with a manipulative personality is to acknowledge their ways outright and respond calmly, and even turn their own tactics against them. The manipulator is counting on you to be surprised, confused, and overreact to them, so don’t be. If they say “After all that I’ve done for you!” reply “I’m very grateful for all that you’ve done. Why do you think I’m not? That’s not very nice of you.”

Once the manipulator realizes that they can’t affect you in the way that they want, and can’t influence your thoughts or actions, they will move on. And even if they don’t — you’re safe. Manipulation is all about control, and once you figure out the manipulative personality, they are no longer in control.

Do you have any experience with manipulative personalities? Do you have tips for how to deal with manipulation?

See also:

The Beautiful Woman Syndrome

lauren-london-and-kardashians

The Beautiful Woman Syndrome (BWS) is a term coined by Pick-Up Artists (PUA; a male seduction community) for an undesirable condition that affects people with unusually good looks. The term was originally a parody and referred to women, but can to a lesser extent also apply to men with an above-average appearance. When applied to men it is called the Beautiful Man Syndrome.

Most people will have a close encounter with someone suffering from BWS. But most will not recognize the symptoms, nor will they usually care until they are personally hurt or offended by the BWS-er.

Characteristics of the Beautiful Woman/Man Syndrome include:

  • Little intellectual development and personality. Those suffering from the syndrome are used to getting by in life on their appearance alone. Because they were never pressed to develop personal qualities, conversation with a person suffering from BWS is uninspiring.
  • justin-timberlakeTreats people they perceive as less attractive as if they are inferior. Associates mainly or only with those they think are as attractive as them, or of the same social class.
  • Despite lack of development, an overestimation of personal qualities such as intelligence, charm, and friendliness.
  • Inability to appreciate good qualities in less attractive people; belief that the only admirable trait in a person is beauty (or money/social position).
  • Dislike of hard or dirty work. The BWS-er thinks they are above that: others should help them or give them what they want.
  • Little tolerance for disagreement. The BWS-er demands that others treat them admiringly because, well, they are gorgeous and clearly superior.

All good-looking people are not afflicted with BWS. However, most beautiful people are prone to acquiring the syndrome if given excessive attention and admiration on a regular basis.

If you come across a person suffering from BWS, the best action to take is to treat them like you would any other person. Do not stare, stumble over yourself trying to gain their attention, or compliment them. This behavior only adds to the BWS by confirming to the sufferer that they are indeed as outstanding as they believe. The syndrome can only be cured by the BWS-er realizing they are a mere mortal like everyone else.