“Women Like Jerks”

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We all know by now that women supposedly only like the bad boys. This common saying spans cultures and time periods and take on variations to suit the situation such as “Women don’t like nice guys” and “Black women only like thugs”. What is the cause of this phenomenon, if it truly exists?

The sexes are divided on this topic: many women disagree with the statement, insisting that they don’t like men with bad behavior and can appreciate a kind and good guy. Meanwhile, men claim that women like this are in the minority; most women like their men tough and a little rough around the edges.

In my view, like with most things, the truth seems to lie somewhere in the middle. While a few women do like the bad-to-the-bone guys, most women wouldn’t go for an outright jerk. At the same time, most women may not be too fond of your stereotypical nice guy/wall flower. The ideal guy would strike a balance between tough and traditionally masculine, and gentle and receptive.

But why is the bad guy chosen over the Average Joe? Contrary to what may be assumed, the bad boy’s badness is not what is appealing to women, but his other traits that go along with it. The Jerk is the opposite of the Nice Guy, so what the Nice Guy lacks the Jerks has, in abundance. Characteristics such as:

  • Confidence — Bad boys come across as secure and confident in themselves. As I’ve written before, confidence, not arrogance, is attractive.
  • Assertiveness — Does the guy go for what he wants or does he wait for it to come along? Is he passive or does he stand his ground? The jerk does (sometimes to a fault).
  • Certainty — This lets the woman know that the man has his own life, his own opinions, and can deal with situations as they come.
  • Charisma — That certain something. Other guys may have it, the bad guy probably has it.
  • Ability — Most of all, the bad boy signals that he is capable and doesn’t rely on others to guide him on what to do.

All of these traits, and others, make the bad boy stand out in a sea of men and signal to a woman that he is interesting, different, and might be worthwhile. So while there is nothing wrong with your average guy, she’ll be more likely to notice and become interested in someone who dares to push the limits of what’s right and acceptable.

Agreed? Let me know your thoughts on why women are attracted (or not) to bad guys, below.

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Crazy, Stupid, Love

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Alee’s Analysis: A comical look at the familiar bad boy/nice guy dichotomy and what people do for love

Crazy, Stupid, Love is a 2011 romantic comedy about middle-aged family man Cal Weaver (Steve Carell) who attempts to find his manhood again after being cheated on by his wife who has asked for a divorce. Drinking his sorrows away at a bar, he is found by Jacob Palmer (Ryan Gosling), a noted ladies’ man and young bachelor. Jacob volunteers to transform Cal into the stud he has the potential to be, the man his wife would want to have. What neither of them realized is that life has a way of giving you what you need, which may not be what you want.

Nice Guys Finish Last…Or Do They?

Cal, in addition to be a middle-aged man, is the stereotypical Nice Guy — kind, well-mannered, and completely lacking in perceived masculinity. This, Jacob claims, is a major reason he lost his wife; as he let himself go, he let his wife go. Jacob vows to change Cal’s outlook and appearance, which will in turn change his love fortune.

And it seems to work: Cal’s transformation is successful, on the outside at least. He is able to attract women in large numbers and gains a self-confidence that he never had. At first he is happy with his new lifestyle but he soon finds that the bachelor life is not as great as it seems. To make matters worse, his new identity clashes with what he wants more than anything: to have his wife back.

On Jacob’s end, he realizes that love, true love, is what he really needs. While he is working on Cal, he is soon to get a new persona of his own. Life as a single man no longer satisfies him and he soon finds out just what Cal was pining over.

Love is:

  • Crazy

Cal’s teenage babysitter Jessica (Analeigh Tipton) claims to be in love with him and while he is working on himself, she is working on gaining his interest.  Meanwhile, Cal’s son, who she babysits, claims to be in love with her and is working on gaining her interest. Cal doesn’t know about any of this, but the biggest love surprise is yet to come.

  • Stupid

Love is definitely in the air in Crazy, Stupid, Love, and it causes everyone to act out of character. People, in their one-tracked pursuit of love don’t see that their actions are preventing them from getting what they desire — true love and happiness. Cal’s transformation into an alpha man drives away his wife, Jessica’s focus on Cal leaves her in a constant state of anxiety. And, in what they believe is the end, no one is really satisfied with the outcome.

Love Is Worth It

Despite all the craziness and stupidity involved with love, when it’s all over, everyone feels that it was worthwhile. Going through trials for love helped them to better understand and better appreciate the love they always had. And in the end, everyone got what they needed, and if it wasn’t what they wanted — a fantasy love film at its best.

 

 

The Friend Zone

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Friend-Zoned? Probably.

The Friend Zone describes a relationship dynamic in which one person hopes for a friendship to grow into a romantic relationship. The other person, however, has a different idea — they see the other person as just a close friend, or worse, a brother or sister.

Who is Friend-Zoned?

The typical candidate for the Friend Zone is unassuming and generally good-natured. Instead of rushing into a relationship with someone they are attracted to they decide to get to know the person. They spend time with the other person, enjoying “friendly” activities such as playing video games, chatting in spare time, and watching TV. As a result they begin to know the other person well and become a close confidante.

Friend-Zoners are often men, but it’s not rare for a woman to be friend-zoned. Male Friend-Zoners can often be described by themselves and others as Nice Guys. Another common Friend-Zoner is the Shy Guy, whose hesitance to first approach, and later move a relationship from platonic to romantic proves to be his downfall.

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The Nice Guy ™

nice-guyThe Nice Guy ™ is a self-designated or given title for men who are usually kind, respectful, and friendly — especially towards women. The Nice Guy is well-liked, and even loved in his social circles, but there is one thing that frustrates him to no end.

He can never get the women he wants.

The Nice Guy often suffers in silence from a sense of neglect and mistreatment. He wonders why he is constantly passed over by women for men that seem to be his complete opposite — men who make a habit of not caring about the needs and desires of the women they are involved with. He is more bothered by this than he lets on.

After some time the Nice Guy may begin to believe that it is women who are the problem, not him. Women just don’t know a good thing — a Nice Guy ™ — when they see it. If they did, they would opt to live happily ever after with him instead of repeatedly choosing men who only break their hearts. Women must like jerks, not nice guys.

But what the Nice Guy fails to realize is that it is not his niceness that causes him to fail with women. It’s many of his other qualities and behavior that are the reason why he finishes last, every time.

The Nice Guy is insecure

Confidence is an attractive quality to both genders. What Nice Guys often lack, and what their jerky counterparts tend to have in abundance is confidence and a strong sense of self-worth. Confident people need little reassurance, are positive, and can even boost the confidence of those around them. Thus, the choice between an insecure guy and a confident guy is an easy one.

The Nice Guy is passive

Passive nice guys go with the flow, are overly cooperative, and try not to be noticed in any large way. And they get exactly what they hope for — they aren’t noticed. Anything in excess, even niceness and cooperation, can be a bad thing. Women begin to think the Nice Guy has no personality of his own; he simply agrees with the people around him. He brings nothing new, so he doesn’t intrigue.

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