Relationships and Class Consciousness

relationship-economicsAs much as I’d like to think that income and social status have no influence on who I choose to date or enter into a relationship with, there is a question mark when I look back at my past relationships. If socioeconomic status has no bearing on who I become interested in or view as a potential partner, why has this aspect stayed virtually the same throughout my life?

The lack of variability in social and economic status could be a function of circumstance and environment: like attracts like, and society divides along income and profession. I’ve rarely been in the position to date a man of a lower social status. In the cases I have, the guy’s education or intelligence more than made up for his lack of income or acquired wealth. In the balance between social and economic factors, all was even.

Being a woman, this sort of pattern is expected. Since most people believe that women care more about a man’s bank account (or future bank account) than his heart or mind, my relationship patterns would reflect the average woman’s. But it’s been my experience that my background is not the norm: many women date men of a lower economic status than themselves.

marriage-socioeconomics

Pew Research Center, a research group which analyzes social trends and information in the United States, has compiled some interesting data on the matter. They found that in the past few decades American women have been increasingly marrying men of a lower income.  Even more noteworthy is that there are now more women married to men with less education than there are men married to women with less education.

Current data follows a trend of gender disparities in higher education that favor women, but it doesn’t appear to be a result of this trend. Women have only outpaced men in education in the last decade; this turnaround wouldn’t have a great effect on marriage today. It seems women aren’t so keen on a guy’s wallet after all, or else they haven’t been very successful in getting the men with the most money and potential.

Considering the recent trends, it’s likely that the economics of marriage will continue in this direction which is in sharp contrast to trends of just a few decades ago. And unless my relationship patterns change substantially, experiences like mine will become even more of the exception.

How does socioeconomic status factor into who you choose to be involved with? Does social and economic status influence who you consider for dating and marriage?

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37 thoughts on “Relationships and Class Consciousness

  1. Well coming from the lowest of the low. ..

    I’d yes.

    For me it makes me secure to have someone with an equal education and brining in even more money than me.. I would not date a miner like my uncle or a janitor. Not that my uncle ain’t great man but I want security and a stable home and all the things that I have.

    But then again I would not just date a person just because of his wealth. That would make me a prostitute.

  2. I date at the level that I am coming from middle/upper middle class and can’t see myself with a poor guy with the heart of gold. I’d rather a middle/upper middle class guy with the heart of gold who can also provide.

  3. Nkosazana,

    Yes, security via money/education is definitely a concern if you come from a lower income background. Some like to make such people out to be “golddiggers”, but I don’t think that’s the case unless you’re with a person only for his/her wealth.

    Hey vonnie, welcome. 🙂

    LOL. You crack me up. Right: it isn’t like people with money don’t have all the positive qualities that people without money have. So you don’t have to skimp on quality or quantity. 😉

  4. I hear that women date what they are comfortable with/ used to. I come from a working -class family; my father was in the Air Force. While we certainly were financially poor, my folks are proud and resourceful. My mother is a great seamstress, and I can remember folks commenting that we were always some of the best-dress kids in the neighborhood (and there are 6 of us!). My father always encouraged me to create my destiny, and so for me man’s ability to “provide” is not really on my radar. I just need to see him taking good care of himself. Finally I also read my mother’s magazines as a kid and read too many stories about how women who did not work outside the home were devastated in divorces, and resolved that I would not be dependent on a man.

    I must also confess that I find wealthy men suspect. I think that they regard women as play toys that they can do anything to. I also feel that being neither young nor beautiful I would not get their attention anyway.

  5. Sherry,

    I think the same thing: as long as he isn’t mooching off me, he’s good to go. But out all of the men I’ve been involved with, there’s only one I would say came from a really low income background.

    “I also read my mother’s magazines as a kid and read too many stories about how women who did not work outside the home were devastated in divorces”

    Even if a woman is conscious of men’s economic status and desires a man with some means, it probably wouldn’t be the best idea for the woman to be wholly dependent on a man financially (unless they are really, really sure that they will stay together or if they split, she will have a way to support herself). Stay-at-home mothers can have a little something on the side or have some money saved away.

    “I find wealthy men suspect. I think that they regard women as play toys”

    Yes, there is the rich guy who sees himself as the center of the universe and women as objects he can shuffle around at will. I knew/know several of these types. But there is also the wealthy guy who you wouldn’t know has so much money because he is so down-to-earth, kind, and respectful.

    And all women have the potential to be considered beautiful, Sherry. They just have to figure out what works with their looks.

  6. Well, I must say I don’t see class, education and income as related things. At least in my culture, they are not. First of all, there are no classes per se, because after everything we’ve been through, the middle class simply… ceased to exist. Economically, there are only poor people and the very rich. You could group classes based on education, but it has little to no effect on your class.

    You see, it’s perfectly “normal” to be very educated and poor in my country. Not middle class, poor. It’s also perfectly normal to be uneducated and rich. I am not saying it happens to all people, but it does happen quite often. There are, however, uneducated poor people, but very little educated rich people. So you can’t take education as any sign of economic potential or strength.

    That being said, I never cared about how much money (or potential money) a guy has. Maybe it’s because being rich or even successful here doesn’t really depend on you (but your father’s connections), and I found most of the guys in that group to be disgusting. Also, I think I have some prejudice towards rich people in general. All in all, money is just a huge turn off for me.

    Education, on the other hand, is a plus, but it’s more along the lines of common interests than any material potential. I come from long lines of very educated people (my grand-grandfather had PhD, and having university education was simply imposed as a norm to me when I was a child). I had no idea there are families who don’t expect their kids to have university education. (Note: The education was free in my country back then, and even today, it’s possible to study for free, so even people in poor families could send their kids to university).

    Speaking of personal preferences, I always cared more about emotional support than the material one. In short, I don’t care if a guy is rich or not; what I care is whether he can support me emotionally. I can work and provide for myself: but this emotional part is something I need another person for. This might be my personal choice, but it’s in part reflected by my country’s culture standards: women were expected to work as much as men; most of the mothers were working mothers, our grandmothers worked, and so did our mothers. The concept of stay at home mom was never popular in my culture. It was expected for girls to work as much as the guys. (However, they were still expected to do all the domestic work).

    That being said, though, I do know I might be a more on a guy’s mentality (if you could say this). I do want to be successful in my work, and all I’m asking from my husband is to support me emotionally. I wouldn’t mind him being a stay at home dad if we could do it financially.

  7. Mira,

    “I don’t see class, education and income as related things.”

    In the U.S. they are strongly correlated: the more education a person has, the higher their income tends to be — someone with an advanced degree makes almost three times what a person with only a high school degree makes. Class is related to income over time. That’s why so many emphasize education as a means to a better life financially.

    There are families where children are not expected to receive a higher education, or ones where the children are expected to work and/or have children of their own after high school. They are not very uncommon I’ve noticed.

    For some reason, I think even if education were free in the U.S. (which it is so not) many people would still not be interested in getting a higher education.

    “It was expected for girls to work as much as the guys. (However, they were still expected to do all the domestic work).”

    What an awful deal. I do not accept. 🙂

    What you say about emotional support is interesting. That’s something that I simply take as a given in my relationships (even though I know it often times is not). Not supporting me emotionally can prove to be a serious deal breaker.

  8. Alee,

    Free education is sure a plus and a great thing, but no, it doesn’t automatically make more people go to college. The need to get higher education is not recognized in some families, regardless on how affordable education is.

    What an awful deal. I do not accept. 🙂

    Yes. On one hand, due do socialist ideal of a worker (regardless of gender), women did emancipate themselves when it comes to working and earning their own money. On the other hand, patriarchal ideas about women doing domestic work were left, so women had to do both: work from 7 do 3PM, then come home to cook, clean, etc. Men of my father’s generation (and older) didn’t do any domestic work whatsoever. They didn’t even help raising the kids.

    But men of my generation are more open to domestic work (well, some of them), but only because women have made it clear they expect them to. If I cook, you clean, and vice versa. However, this is still seen as something that’s women’s work, so when a guy does some of it, it is considered not as a norm, but in a way of “how nice he is, he is helping her!”

  9. I never thought about this, but I feel like I haven’t spent enough time in “the real world” to make normal judgments about my dating habits. Since I’ve spent over 16 of the past 22 years in school, and every school I’ve attended was majority middle class or higher, I’ve never dated anyone lower class (not really much opportunity).

  10. Everyone I’ve dated has been at least of my social class. I’ve never dated anyone from a low-income background. I would have if I met a guy who had a lot of ambition and potential, but just happened to be from poorer roots.

    However, the older I got, the more I realized that I was making a mistake by NOT considering a man’s financial status and ability to be a provider if I was looking for a husband. Yes, I am (and remain) perfectly capable of taking care of myself and will never be in a situation in which I’m totally dependent on a man, but at the same time, as I grew older, I knew I wanted the OPTION of being able to stay at home with my children when they were young and not have a man expect for me to contribute a large portion of my income to the home (while I’m also pregnant and caring for babies) in order for us to survive.

    Now, this doesn’t mean I was looking for a rich man… a teacher who manages his money well is just fine with me, for example. Also, if I was dating men over 30 (which was usually the case), it was ridiculous to me if he was still talking about “potential” and what he planned to do, yet he hadn’t done anything in his 20s to get there.

    And finally, I strongly preferred men with a college degree and was not ashamed to say so. I’ll take the teacher with the degree making less than the blue-collar worker without the degree… save for a man who is a self-made entrepreneur (and usually has interacted with a variety of people because of that), I found that I had little in common with the men I considered who didn’t have college degrees. It’s a scenario of shared experience, and I found that conversation was VERY limited with men who had not pursued higher education.

    Plus, after way too many years of trying to be flexible and bend the rules because a guy might be “nice” and “have a good heart,” I was always the one who did more than my share in the relationship (financially, leadership-wise, etc.) and then got faced with resentment because of it. No thanks… why bother?

    So I stuck to my standards for good after my last breakup… and ended up with a college professor. How about that, lol.

  11. Bunny brings up a good point about education. I briefly dated a guy who didn’t have a degree the summer before I got together with Z, but it was not serious at all. Not just because he wasn’t in school–I wasn’t looking for something serious in the first place–but my being in school sure made it easy for me to not care. I was so focused on classes, credits, and extracurriculars (that same summer I studied abroad), that I don’t think I had the mindset to deal with someone who didn’t know much about that process. And he was way too sappy for me, but that’s beside the point.

  12. Mira,

    “women had to do both: work from 7 do 3PM, then come home to cook, clean, etc. Men of my father’s generation (and older) didn’t do any domestic work whatsoever. They didn’t even help raising the kids.”

    Seriously, you all need (another?) feminist movement. There’s simply no way that a woman should be doing all of that. And without any social privileges.

  13. Well, like I said, my generation is better. But just because girls won’t tolerate that anymore.

    The main problem is a horrible economic situation and the fact your education, skills and will to work don’t mean a thing unless you have connections ( = your father knows somebody who can give you a job). So you are forced to do minimum wage jobs and consider yourself happy you have even that.

    This has a serious impact on families, since young people (in their 30s) still live with their parents, unable to start their own family (or if they do, their parents heavily support them, because pensions, no matter how small might be, are the only secure sources of income). On the other hand, it makes all the talk about finding a guy with potential void, since it really doesn’t depend on you. Well, some things do, but most of it doesn’t. It’s nobody’s fauit if they don’t have a job.

  14. Bunny,

    “I knew I wanted the OPTION of being able to stay at home with my children when they were young and not have a man expect for me to contribute a large portion of my income to the home (while I’m also pregnant and caring for babies) in order for us to survive.”

    Good point. I plan on staying home with my future kids when they are young as well. In that instance it would definitely help if my husband had a stable and sufficient income.

    “So I stuck to my standards for good after my last breakup… and ended up with a college professor. How about that, lol.”

    Awesome. 🙂

    I like professors too. I like education backgrounds in general… I’m really bookish like that. I love having someone to talk to about what I’m reading or researching at the moment.

    But there are some self-taught guys who are the same way at least in interests, if not experience. They probably aren’t extremely common, but I’ve known some.

    There’s also the issue with guys who haven’t been to college feeling inferior to a woman who is highly educated. I’ve known guys in school who felt uncomfortable with my background in science when they were studying poli sci or English. They acted rude or snarky sometimes to cover up the fact that they felt they couldn’t keep up.

  15. Jasmin,

    ” I feel like I haven’t spent enough time in “the real world” to make normal judgments about my dating habits. Since I’ve spent over 16 of the past 22 years in school, and every school I’ve attended was majority middle class or higher, I’ve never dated anyone lower class (not really much opportunity).”

    It’s the same with me, because I’ve been in either school or quasi-school (research and academic jobs) for pretty much all of my life. There are some men in those areas from modest backgrounds, but most were studying law, medicine, etc. IOW, they were going to be upper-middle in a few years.

    “I briefly dated a guy who didn’t have a degree the summer before I got together with Z, but it was not serious at all.”

    For some reason when you said this I got a picture in my head of bright girl from college meets high school dropout guy from the ‘hood. And it was hilarious. 🙂

  16. Mira,

    “The main problem is a horrible economic situation and the fact your education, skills and will to work don’t mean a thing unless you have connections ( = your father knows somebody who can give you a job). “

    Okay, forget feminism, how about affirmative action? 🙂

  17. I don’t understand. There’s no such thing in my country. Definitely not when it comes to universities, and as far as I know, not in employment. The only exception is made for people with disabitilites; however, I don’t know how it works in reality (whether they really employ people).

    There’s no such thing for women. However, it’s not much of a problem, I think. There are plenty of jobs requiring female workers (is that AA?), but job ads in general are farce. You can’t get anything semi decent unless you have connections. (Ok, maybe 1-2% people are lucky enough, but the rest of the people get job through family connections), unless it’s something low paying. General rule is: no matter how good (or horrible) you are, if you have connections = you have a job. If you don’t, you don’t.

  18. I like professors too. I like education backgrounds in general… I’m really bookish like that. I love having someone to talk to about what I’m reading or researching at the moment.

    But there are some self-taught guys who are the same way at least in interests, if not experience. They probably aren’t extremely common, but I’ve known some.

    There’s also the issue with guys who haven’t been to college feeling inferior to a woman who is highly educated. I’ve known guys in school who felt uncomfortable with my background in science when they were studying poli sci or English. They acted rude or snarky sometimes to cover up the fact that they felt they couldn’t keep up.

    I was so happy to date a professor! It’s funny because people think that when you say you want a man with a degree and financial stability, that you are considering only doctors, lawyers and bankers. People seem to leave out a whole segment of educated men that are a little more geeky or creative — men like IT guys (if they could actually talk to women, lol), journalists, professors, political aides, public policy types, think-tank researchers, etc. The amount of money these men made was never the most important thing — plus, most men with stable employment usually had reasonable middle-class incomes.

    As for self-made men who might not have a degree, they are a wonderful breed as well. I dated a few of them and they had very interesting careers. The reason they were so interesting was because they usually had a great idea that they were able to use their knowledge and ambition to transform into a business… so even though they did not have a degree, they usually were well-read (they had to be to succeed in their field), well-traveled and very comfortable dealing with a variety of people.

    But you are absolutely right about how some men without a college education can be snarky if they happen to be around a woman with a degree. In some cases, this even happened when I met a man who “only” had a bachelor’s while I had a master’s. It was no big deal to me at all, but HE had a problem with it. I don’t like how people make it seem that educated women are the ones who are being unreasonable when they want a man of similar qualities, when often, it’s the less-educated man who makes it more of an issue in a relationship!

    There are plenty of jobs requiring female workers (is that AA?), but job ads in general are farce.

    Mira, a German woman told me once that people send in pictures with their resumes in Europe. Is that true for Serbia?

  19. Mira,

    Do you just not understand what affirmative action is? Here’s the Wikipedia page for it.

    Perhaps affirmative action would help, at least for a short while until people get situated. If only people with connections can get jobs, that’s not fair to people who are well-qualified but lack connections.

    “There are plenty of jobs requiring female workers (is that AA?)”

    Not really. Some jobs only women can do (or only men can do).

  20. Bunny,

    “I was so happy to date a professor!”

    I like dating the son of a professor. AJ’s father is chair and professor of biology at a university in the Northeast. Just my luck that although my partner has basically zero interest in biology (I was sad about this at first), his father has a PhD in the field and is known for his biological research. All things work out. 🙂

    “People seem to leave out a whole segment of educated men that are a little more geeky or creative — men like IT guys (if they could actually talk to women, lol)”

    They don’t have to know how, because I’ll approach them first. 😉

    “I don’t like how people make it seem that educated women are the ones who are being unreasonable when they want a man of similar qualities, when often, it’s the less-educated man who makes it more of an issue in a relationship!”

    So very true. It’s similar sometimes with men who make less than the women they are involved with. Snark, snark, and more.

  21. Nkosazana,

    Lol, no it’s not me. It’s Kelly Rowland of Destiny’s Child fame. I love her and the photo, so I used it as an avatar. I look quite different.

    It’s not a stupid question since you’re not American and she isn’t extremely popular. 🙂

  22. Bunny,

    Mira, a German woman told me once that people send in pictures with their resumes in Europe. Is that true for Serbia?

    Sometimes. Some ads require you to send a CV with a picture. They also (here, not in Germany, I assume) ask you all sorts of personal questions (are you married, do you plan to have kids – if you’re female, do you live with your parents, etc). Of course, you are free to refuse to answer, but you won’t get a job. (Not that you had much chance, since there’s always somebody with a connection).

    Alee,

    Not really. Some jobs only women can do (or only men can do).

    Of course. But sales person in a furniture store? Why does it have to be female? (The reason they ask for females is because they believe females are more polite to customers and also, that they ask for less money).

    Perhaps affirmative action would help, at least for a short while until people get situated. If only people with connections can get jobs, that’s not fair to people who are well-qualified but lack connections.

    I know what affirmative action is (well, more or less), but I don’t think it’s possible to apply it here. The connections I’m talking about are informal and based on family relationships rather than on any economic or skill criteria. Simply speaking, if I have a son, and my brother owns a store, of course my son will work in my brother’s store; it goes without saying. And he won’t work as a sales assistant, but a manager. It’s expected for anybody to give a high paying job to his nephew, if he can. It’s beyond rude and imaginable if he doesn’t. Whether the nephew is skillful to be a manager is irrelevant; you simply don’t ask those things: you give him job because he’s your nephew. And if you don’t own a store, you find somebody who will hire your nephew. End of story.

    Of course, this has horrible effect on economy, because many uneducated, untrained people work on high positions, while educated people can’t find job (and there aren’t many philosophy professors who are good plumbers, while plumbers with uncles on high places are company managers).

    There are several projects funded by government to help young people find jobs, but they don’t work in reality: because most of the people who get job through these programs have connections. In these cases, their connections might not be big, but they still exist. For example, a clerk at the unemployment bureau is your mother’s school friend. So of course she will put you in the program instead of a better skilled candidate with no connections.

    To conclude: affirmative action would never work here, because those accepted would also be people with connections. It’s just the way it works here.

  23. Mira,

    Okay, I understand what you mean now.

    But AA could work if it were strictly enforced. There aren’t many laws against nepotism in the U.S. either, but affirmative action can work to better the situation. If you have to hire a certain amount of people with/of X, then that can cut down on the effects of people being hired merely because of their connections. People without connections could stand a chance of being hired.

  24. Yes, but in order to do this, there must be a strong mechanism of control and inspection. There isn’t. Our laws are quite good, actually, but they don’t work in reality, because (you’ll guess), you can always bribe the inspector or get away with it if you know someone (if inspector is your cousin or something).

    Now, some areas of law are more and some are less corrupted. It’s more difficult to get away with murder than with a speeding ticket. But when it comes to employment, it’s completely random and up to corruption. The fact so many people get a job through connections is just one problem. Other serious issue is the fact workers rarely enjoy the rights that laws guarantee them: many people work illegally (without pension or health insurance paid, which is employer’s obligation). Not to mention people often work overtime without being paid. Another common trick is to get just a part of your salary through bank account, while other part you get in cash, and nobody know about it (= owner doesn’t need to pay taxes and stuff). Law says anybody who does that should pay a high amount, and/or company closed (for a while or permanently), but in reality, inspectors are open to bribe so very little of these violations get reported.

  25. Alee,

    For some reason when you said this I got a picture in my head of bright girl from college meets high school dropout guy from the ‘hood. And it was hilarious.

    That’s one of those stories that will never be shared. 😛

    Bunny,

    As for self-made men who might not have a degree, they are a wonderful breed as well.

    I don’t think there’s a “niche” for self-made men in my generation since manufacturing jobs are falling off and being replaced by IT (which generally requires a degree). I guess it used to be that you could “work your way up”, e.g., from construction worker to foreman, but when I went through school (and I have 4 sisters still in school) the message seemed to be “either go to college (trade school, technical, whatever) or stock chips at Target”. And to be honest, none of the people I know from middle/high school who didn’t go to college or dropped out/flunked are doing any different.

  26. Ooooh Miss Alee, I’m embarrassed! That profile picture is small and I need to have an eye exam and new glasses. I did NOT realize it was Kelly Rowland until I blew it up.

  27. Forgot to mention that I’m glad Nkosazana asked about Kelly–now I can reveal that Z asked the same question when this blog first started. He told me not to tell, but that’s moot now. 😛

  28. Ha! I knew it was Kelly! (Ok, I didn’t know it was her, and I more or less assumed – I wasn’t sure). Which is pretty good, concerning the fact I’m really bad at recognizing faces. It usually takes time for me to remember someone’s face.

    About working class guys: I used to have some pretty romantic views on working class. My family was middle class (back in the days it existed), but my grandmother was somewhat upper class, well, at least in her head. Her mother was a duchess from Austria and Poland, and my grandmother and her sisters were raised to see themselves as nobility, even when they were poor. So my grandmother insisted on raising me in that spirit, which didn’t turn out well. I rebelled against it. The more she talked less than favorably on working class, the more exciting and interesting working class seemed to me. So yes, I did date guys who came from working class families, even those who didn’t show any wish to continue their education past middle school (= high school in the US). I honestly don’t know what I found so interesting about them. I guess I hated snobbish people (I still do), and those who think anybody who doesn’t read or discuss philosophy is rubbish (I still do). However, it took me a while to understand I might not have much in common with those guys. Plus, it’s not like educated people think they’re smarted than everybody else (though many do).

  29. I don’t think there’s a “niche” for self-made men in my generation since manufacturing jobs are falling off and being replaced by IT (which generally requires a degree).

    Jasmin, you’re right that they’re hard to find… I’ve met four off the top of my head, and here’s their description.

    -No. 1 owns a business that focuses on making goods from recycled materials. He started college, but had started a photography business when he was in high school and made so much money doing that that he left college because it was getting in the way of his business. He later used that money to buy a recycling plant, and the rest is history.

    -No. 2 is a television producer who does satellite transmission of major sporting events. He also was in college and worked as a producer for local television programs. He eventually left because classes were preventing him from taking on telecommunications production jobs.

    -No. 3 is a graphic designer. Also started college, left when his business began taking off.

    -No. 4… graphic designer, worked for newspapers, etc. Same as No. 3 pretty much.

    As you can see though, these guys are a rare breed and have a special “it factor” that allowed them to succeed without a degree. It’s a specialized skill — and all of them too started some kind of business (even on a small level) when they were very young.

    I would date a man like this (if I wasn’t married) in a heartbeat. However, most times when non-degreed, lower-income men were being pushed on me, it was exactly as you described — the stock guy at Target. And yes, that’s honest work and that doesn’t make him a bad guy, but I would not be happy with him. And I wish people would stop fooling themselves and accept that MOST men without degrees are more likely to end up like the Target stock guy than any of the four guys I mentioned above.

  30. Sherry,

    It’s okay. Kelly looks a bit different in the picture and it is kind of a profile shot rather than straight on.

    Jasmin,

    the message seemed to be “either go to college (trade school, technical, whatever) or stock chips at Target”.

    Lol. Easy option… Target. 😉

    “I’m glad Nkosazana asked about Kelly–now I can reveal that Z asked the same question when this blog first started.”

    Whaa? Zek is so funny. I think that he of all people would know that wasn’t me.The way I described myself is nothing like Kelly. Color and features are completely different.

    I don’t know which celebrity I look like. I’ve gotten so many… Meagan Good, Cassie, Joy Bryant. Maybe if you put them all in a blender, you’d get me. I think of all those Cassie looks the most like me (or I just think that since she’s the one I’ve gotten the most), except her eyes are a lot smaller. Perhaps I really should add a picture of myself, but I’ve been incognito for so long…

  31. Mira,

    That story reminds me of women I know who dated and married men of lower socioeconomic status due to their upper class families disapproval of the lower classes. Parents should probably be more careful with drawing lines in the sand as far as who or what their children should involve themselves with… It can have the opposite effect of making their children want that thing even more.

    Bunny,

    “I wish people would stop fooling themselves and accept that MOST men without degrees are more likely to end up like the Target stock guy than any of the four guys I mentioned above.”

    But he’s got potential!

    “He got that ambition baby, look in his eyes
    This week he’s moppin’ floors, next week it’s the fries”
    — [“Gold Digger”]

    LMAO.

    (No offense to anyone stocking chips at Target or serving fries.)

  32. Bunny,

    I too would date a guy like that if I wasn’t currently involved, but I think the chip stockers and such try to ride on the coattails of the guys you mentioned, even if they are nowhere near owning their own business.

    Alee,

    I have no idea how he missed that, especially since I think Kelly would be the DC member he would find most attractive.

    I Googled all three women, and I can see some similarities between them, in terms of facial features. When I saw a picture of you briefly (a long time ago, and it was teeny), my first though was Tyra, but I think that was because of the angle.

    You should share so I can tell you your celebrity doppleganger. 🙂 I don’t look like anyone. 😦

    LOL at the “Gold Digger” reference. I’ll add to what I said above in response to Bunny that I think men are socialized to think that they deserve “better” than their level, so there’s nothing wrong with a lower-class man expecting to find a middle-class woman, though many of those same men wouldn’t date a lower-class woman.

  33. Jasmin,

    I think Kelly is the most beautiful DC member too.

    “I Googled all three women, and I can see some similarities between them, in terms of facial features.”

    The lips and eyes, I’m thinking. Joy Bryant is a little different, but maybe her hair, and her face shape is a lot like mine.

    Tyra Banks? Lol. 🙂

    That’s a first. She has a longer face and large forehead… ahh, maybe it was the forehead that made you think that? I think my forehead looked large in the photo because my hair was back.

    Your celebrity doppelganger is whats-her-name-again who you said Zek (?) said you looked like.

    “men are socialized to think that they deserve “better” than their level, so there’s nothing wrong with a lower-class man expecting to find a middle-class woman, though many of those same men wouldn’t date a lower-class woman.”

    I just laugh whenever I think of this whole deal. It reminds me how this janitor that worked at my high school said he never married because he couldn’t found his “dime”. 🙂

  34. Alee,

    Yep, it was the forehead and the large eyes. But I remember you were in the picture with someone (one of AJ’s relatives?), and I couldn’t see your hair, so that’s a pretty bad guess.

    Z says I look like Gabrielle Union, which is just wistful thinking on hims part I think. 🙂 A blog commenter said I looked like Audra McDonald once, but I don’t know if that’s just because of how my hair was in the picture.

    It reminds me how this janitor that worked at my high school said he never married because he couldn’t found his “dime”.

    Bwah! 🙂
    Those celebrity look-a-like algorithms are all over the map for me–Beyonce is usually at the top of the list, which makes absolutely no sense.

  35. Jasmin,

    Actually, Gabrielle Union makes sense. You don’t really look like any celebrity I can think of, so Gabrielle might not be a good match, but is the best one we have. Definitely not Beyonce. (I might be paranoid, but I sometimes think that these algoritms don’t have many black celebrities in their database, so when a black person submits a photo, it just gives a few black people int he database: Beyonce, Rihanna, Halle, Mariah Carey). Now, I’m not saying celebrity look a likes can’t go beyond race (a friend of mine looks like Halle Berry, and she’s white and blonde).

    Also, Cassie is hot. I have no idea who she is (will Google), but if you look anything like her, Alee, AJ is a very lucky guy!

    My celebrity look a like is Thora Birch (with dark hair). Sometimes it’s really distracting for me to watch her movies.

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