About Alee

Blogger writing about culture, relationships, and life.

All The Single Ladies: Dating a Man With Children?

dating-relationship-man-with-kidsBeing on the dating scene, I’ve been reconsidering what characteristics I desire in a partner and which are absolute deal breakers. A situation I’ve come across more and more lately are men with a child or children. Divorcees, single fathers, or men who parent part-time, they identify themselves in various ways. Dating these men comes with the implicit agreement that you will be meeting and eventually spending your time with a person under the age of eighteen.

Until now I never considered a man having children to be problematic. After all, there all sorts of families, many of them featuring stepchildren. I’m now realizing that the situation is far more complex than it may at first appear. Men with children, rightfully, can prioritize their children. As a woman in the beginning stages of a relationship, it can be off-putting to know that you are in second place by default. Then there is the issue of having the relationship become long-term and essentially becoming a stepmother and assuming all the responsibilities of mommy long before having any children of your own. And of course there are the issues that can arise with the child’s mother. She is free to interrupt your plans with emergencies, call at odd hours, and otherwise impose.

Dating a man with children has its upsides. Such a man is likely more stable, responsible, and past the stage of having his world center around his selfish needs. A woman can be assured that such a man will make a good father because he already is one. In many cases he is more than capable of sustaining a long-term committed relationship because he likely has already been in one.

Is the extra work of dating a man with kids worth it, however? Single women without children, I’m interested in your thoughts in particular. Other women and men are also welcome.


The Question of Multiculturalism

multiculturalismThe United States has always been a nation of many cultures and groups of people, who all contribute to make it the unique nation it is. However, as the diversity of cultures has increased and spread in the past several years, views on the matter have become more one-sided. Also in recent years, other Western nations have moved in a similar direction towards a multicultural society.

Reactions of citizens to these once homogeneous places now housing various groups of people from different cultures and places, has been mixed. Some people see this movement as a large step towards the future, a world that is truly one, where superficial barriers of language, culture, and ethnicity can be broken down.

Others believe that multiculturalism is a concept that sounds nice in theory but has not worked, and will not work well in practice. They think that artificially placing disparate groups in one place will only cause conflict, cultural clash, and competition over whose way of life will prevail. In addition, those whose history and roots derive solely from one nation fear that their own cultural practices will be lost as people converge to create one multicultural society.

My own views on this matter are conflicted; I can see where those who stand strongly on either side of the spectrum are coming from. There is no reason the U.S., Germany or any other Western nation should be reserved solely for those “true” people –Americans, Germans, or others whose families have resided in those areas for centuries. Immigrants can and do add positively to the areas in which they emigrate, contributing new perspectives and bringing their own talents, as well as becoming productive citizens. At the same time, I think the manner and rate in which some nations have gone about creating a multicultural society has been haphazard and unsustainable. New groups should be integrated, rather than thrust into a new nation where they may not have the background or skills to become successful. Without proper integration some groups risk becoming the fringe of a society, always remaining outsiders and disadvantaged, which would have negative effects for all. I also believe that societies which embrace multiculturalism could incorporate new cultures without doing away completely with their current way of life.

What are your thoughts on multiculturalism in Western nations, its pros and cons?

Historical 21st Century Pop Artists

With Michael Jackson gone and Prince’s recent passing, some are wondering if the days of great pop music are now history. Who can live up to the prolific musical geniuses of the late 20th century? It remains to be seen but a few artists show promise.

justin timberlake







1. Justin Timberlake: Smooth moves, smooth voice, original songs and videos.  Will Justin prove that he is the most iconic male pop artist post-MJ?








2. Britney Spears: Britney is already an icon but if today’s “Queen of Pop” can commit to making music for the long haul, there is no stopping her.










3. Lady Gaga: This line from ‘Applause’ says it all, “Pop culture was in art, now art’s in pop culture, in me.”








4. Bruno Mars: Has long since been compared to musical giants of earlier periods. Being a skilled vocalist, performer, and musician, he defines the word “artist”.









5. Adam Levine: With his entrance as front man of Maroon 5, he made Southern California rock-pop look easy. He has the originality, personality, and love of the art to make a name for himself as a 21st century pop icon.

Which of today’s artists do you think will become the pop icons of tomorrow?

Honorable Mention: Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Rihanna

Open Question: Politically Speaking (Or Not)

political-questionsDo you discuss politics with family, friends, and acquaintances?

As the U.S. Presidential Elections draw closer, more and more political discussions are occurring in every venue. Engaging in political discussion can be a good way to broaden your knowledge and perspective on a topic that has vast consequences for our everyday lives. At the same time, political questions can lead to heated debates; many find it difficult to remain level-headed and anger, hurt feelings, and betrayal can be the result.

It is because politics can be such a contentious topic that I’ve decided to, in the future, refrain from discussing politics with friends and family whose political views are unknown or known to be starkly different from my own. In the past few months I have seen and been involved in situations where discussion of politics turned friends into enemies, reduced someone to tears, and nearly split apart a growing couple. It was no one’s wish to turn a neutral talk about the political landscape into a divisive, hurtful experience but it happened anyway.

Political discussions with those who have similar political views can be enriching and much less often has such harmful effects on the relationships between people. Other than those, personally I see fostering positive personal and formal relationships as more important than debating politics, no matter what could be gained.

Where do you stand on this topic? Do you follow the old adage that politics should not be discussed in polite company or are you open to political debate?

Open Question: Millenials – The Breakdown of Social Responsibility?

generation y responsibilityMillennials (also known as Generation Y) is the generation of people born between the early 1980s and the mid ’90s. This group is currently in their early 20s to mid 30s.

Millenials –myself among them– have been both hailed and criticized. This generation introduced digital technology on a massive scale, yet has also been seen to have a greater sense of entitlement and lack of concern for others than previous generations.

One criticism, which I happen to believe is true of this group, is that it is the Peter Pan Generation. This set, particularly the males, simply does not want to grow up and assume the responsibilities of adulthood such as career, marriage, family, and planning for a future beyond the next few months. It is not uncommon to find a 31 year old who has made little to no headway in establishing a career and still considers themselves “too young” to be tied down with a spouse.

When the eldest segment of Generation Y was in their early 20s, everyone believed they would grow up by their late 20s. Now, in their early 30s, many are still of the mindset that they are young and have much to explore before settling into a boring life of work and family. Some have one without the other — a career but no interest in a settled life of marriage/civil union or family, children but no interest in marriage and no career prospects.

I believe this global lack of responsibility has real consequences for the future. Innovation and individuality is to be embraced. However, the lack of any true concern for the foundations of most societies — home, family, and hard work, can upset the order and welfare of society as a whole, causing a ripple effect which cultures may never recover from. Future generations need a solid base from which to grow and form their own lives as adults, yet it seems that Generation Y may not provide that.

What do you think? Is Generation Y, especially the males of this generation, afflicted with Peter Pan Syndrome? If so, what do you think the causes are and what will the consequences be?

Why The Man Has to Chase, Part Two

black-woman-phone-laughingThree years ago I wrote Article Response: Why The Man Has to Chase. Since then the post has received over 100 comments on why men should or should not be the ones to pursue women for a romantic relationship. A few comments claimed that people should be more open-minded and not be so old-fashioned; women should be able to pursue men when they want.

I agree. Women should be allowed to pursue a man that they are interested in. However, this idea brings to mind one question: why wouldn’t a man chase, if he were interested? Wouldn’t he want to go after what he wanted?

To understand, women: imagine, you meet a man you like. 

You are mesmerized by his presence and dream of the things you will see and do together. When not with him, you often think of him. Would you then choose not to contact or be around this same man? Would you choose to do most other things over spending time with them? Of course not.

Interest and liking of a person is naturally followed by a desire to be in their presence — physically, emotionally, mentally. Disinterest or ambivalence, on the other hand, leads to a lack of desire to be in a person’s presence.

Many women have experience the barrage of contact from a man who is interested in them. Calls, texts, the man finding ways to show up where they are. Sometimes the situation may not be extreme but the general tendency of the man is to seek out ways to spend time with their love interest.

So another strong reason why a man should pursue a woman is quite simply because if he were interested, he would pursue.

Having a man chase doesn’t mean a woman simply waits around and does nothing. It can mean allowing a man to take the initiative once interest is established. Enthusiastically responding to his contact and keeping communication going is good, as is occasionally initiating contact. Pursuing and eagerly contacting a man who isn’t showing reciprocal interest, however, could easily result in undesirable circumstances, as discussed in Part One.

So once again, women, let a man pursue you. You won’t be sorry if you do.

Not Done Yet








I announced that I would restart posting on this blog on a regular basis but life got in the way. Again. I apologize and will make it up to readers. With a new year well under way, I have decided that I will resume posting under the schedule I promised earlier: twice a month. No matter how small, I will add my thoughts here.

Two new posts already wait in my queue and one will be posted starting next weekend. As my weekdays are pretty busy, I will be posting on the weekends. So if you’re not too pressed for time, check A Lofty Existence for new posts then.




Doxing is a word that many may not have heard of, but may be familiar with, either as the perpetrator or as the victim. Doxing refers to the online practice of researching and publicizing personal information about a person with the intent to harm. Doxing could be simply revealing the real name of someone who blogs under a pseudonym or giving out a person’s phone number in a public forum. Since the popularity of social media, blogs, and other public groups, doxing has become more common. However, revealing personally identifying information online about a person can bring legal trouble.

In our world where information is available so quickly online, it can be easy to cross the line or even grasp that there is a line. After all, what is the problem with letting others know something that could easily be found in a Google search? The issue is the intent of the information. In the U.S., it is illegal to make public information with the intent to intimidate, harass, or harm another person. Regardless of how or where you found this information.

I have experienced doxing firsthand, as a particularly manipulative and angry individual stalked and harassed me online for months a few years ago. Under the guise of helping out another person, who she claimed I was bothering online, she proceeded to track my online whereabouts, search for personal information that would be damaging, and threaten to reveal or in a few cases actually divulge personal information; true and untrue. In her rage, she allowed her instinct to stand up for one person justify the cutting down of another. That is if protecting was her true reason for doxing at all because at its essence doxing is about going to great lengths to harm to another, not about helping others. Intuitively I knew that what she was doing was wrong on the basic level of human rights, but not understanding the laws against this at the time, I took no action against her. That will not happen again.

Whether you’re a public figure, a blogger, or just the average internet user, doxing is always wrong and illegal. If you find yourself the victim of doxing, the best way to combat it is to seek legal advice. Or, if at some point in time the idea crosses your mind to find personal information about a person to coerce, humiliate or shame them online, think again. It may create more problems for you than it solves.

Why I Like Hillary Clinton


Hillary Clinton 2016? Yes, please.

To some people, the name Hillary Clinton brings to mind images of an uptight, sarcastic, diabolic tyrant who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. On the other hand, to me Hillary Clinton is an admirable, respectable politician who embodies many of the qualities of an ideal leader.

Some of these qualities are the same qualities which have turned Hillary into the type of villain usually left for dictators and greedy CEOs. However, these traits leave no question in my mind that Hillary is suited for large-scale leadership in a difficult time and as I backed Hillary Clinton for United States president in 2008, I will do so again in 2016.

  1. She is passionate

Critics call Hillary Clinton power-hungry and single-minded. I won’t disagree; I’m certain Hillary wants to be successful and a well-known leader, and is dedicated to this mission. However, I don’t hold it against her and even consider her tenacity to be valuable in a future leader. We need someone who believes strongly in their goals and is willing to see them through, no matter what.

     2. She is willing to face opposition

Hillary Clinton is arguably the most disliked and controversial politicians of the past decade, outside of the presidents. There are countless campaigns, articles, groups, and websites against Hillary. When she lost the 2008 presidential primary to our current president, Barack Obama, people all over the country breathed a collective sigh of relief, “Thank goodness.”

Much of the opposition to Hillary’s candidacy seems to stem from the simple fact that she
is a woman. In fact, in a Gallup survey conducted earlier this year the second most hillary-president-2016common reason given by American opposed to Hillary Clinton as U.S. president was that they don’t want a female president. For a woman vying for the presidency, that’s disheartening, to say the least.

Yet Hillary bravely faces this daily opposition and remains committed to her ideals. She’s put herself in the spotlight to be criticized yet again because her goals are so important to her. This is to be respected, if not admired.

    3. She has progressive ideals

Hillary Clinton’s liberal political ideology more closely aligns with mine than the majority of candidates. She has championed ideals I consider important, such as women’s rights, educational reform, and health care.

   4. She is intelligent

Whether or not you agree with Hillary’s tactics, you can’t deny that Hillary is an intelligent woman who has carved out a unique place for herself in American history. Accomplished lawyer, senator, first lady, and the first woman with a serious bid for the American presidency. A person does not happen on these positions by accident — it takes intelligence and foresight.

  5.  She is authentic

She’s nakedly ambitious. She’s secretive. She’s cunning. So what? She’s a politician. I would prefer a leader who is honest about what they care about, what they don’t care about, and what bothers them than a politician who vacillates to remain in the good graces of everyone. On the way to accomplishing anything noteworthy, a person may alienate some. Hillary expects that and accepts that, and won’t change strategy to appease those who disagree.

Now, do I agree with all of Hillary Clinton’s past decisions and views? No. Do I think that she is the only candidate worthy of the presidency? No. However, I do like her as a person, and consider her a worthy of the Oval Office.