Why The Man Has to Chase, Part Two

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black-woman-phone-laughingThree years ago I wrote Article Response: Why The Man Has to Chase. Since then the post has received over 100 comments on why men should or should not be the ones to pursue women for a romantic relationship. A few comments claimed that people should be more open-minded and not be so old-fashioned; women should be able to pursue men when they want.

I agree. Women should be allowed to pursue a man that they are interested in. However, this idea brings to mind one question: why wouldn’t a man chase, if he were interested? Wouldn’t he want to go after what he wanted?

To understand, women: imagine, you meet a man you like. 

You are mesmerized by his presence and dream of the things you will see and do together. When not with him, you often think of him. Would you then choose not to contact or be around this same man? Would you choose to do most other things over spending time with them? Of course not.

Interest and liking of a person is naturally followed by a desire to be in their presence — physically, emotionally, mentally. Disinterest or ambivalence, on the other hand, leads to a lack of desire to be in a person’s presence.

Many women have experience the barrage of contact from a man who is interested in them. Calls, texts, the man finding ways to show up where they are. Sometimes the situation may not be extreme but the general tendency of the man is to seek out ways to spend time with their love interest.

So another strong reason why a man should pursue a woman is quite simply because if he were interested, he would pursue.

Having a man chase doesn’t mean a woman simply waits around and does nothing. It can mean allowing a man to take the initiative once interest is established. Enthusiastically responding to his contact and keeping communication going is good, as is occasionally initiating contact. Pursuing and eagerly contacting a man who isn’t showing reciprocal interest, however, could easily result in undesirable circumstances, as discussed in Part One.

So once again, women, let a man pursue you. You won’t be sorry if you do.

7 thoughts on “Why The Man Has to Chase, Part Two”

  1. why wouldn’t a man chase, if he were interested?

    Fear of rejection and appropriateness. She could be a coworker, already in a relationship, going through a delicate time in her life or her signals might be interprested as disinterest. In my opinion a woman must be available to chase to avoid awkward circumstances and even then it’s nice if one is met half or quarter way. Even though I may be very interested it doesn’t immediately imply that I will or can chase. In most situations, to avoid trouble or hurt, it’s best not to chase.

  2. Miss Alee,

    I was one of the first few to comment on your original post. I feel exactly the same way I did then; and now I am at home so I can cry …

  3. Sherry,

    Don’t feel bad. Are you putting yourself in places where men can find you? Have you tried redoing your look?

  4. Yes, assume the woman has already shown she is interested, like in the scenario; you’ve met and exchanged numbers. So from there, why couldn’t a man be the one to pursue?

  5. Naturally if the interest is mutual then it is expected of the guy. Though in reality a multitude of reasons still exist. For me it depends on the type of interest shown. Maybe she doesn’t want to give away too much earlier on or maybe she wants to move fast. The question in my mind is if I pursue this person am I going to be happy with the end result. If from the get go I have doubts then I wont pursue even if I am interested. Though, idealistically, it’s a wonderful feeling to pursue when everything works out.

  6. Alee,

    I would not presume to comment on behalf of single individuals, but allow me to offer an element that is rarely (imho) considered. This is taken from the viewpoint of a married man of 26 years (moi).

    Some would consider that the raison d’être for pursuing a woman, is the end game. Yes, it sounds a tad selfish, but when you pursue something, you have a goal and (usually an) incentive in mind for doing so in the first place. That goal may be honourable, or less so, depending on the individual doing the pursuing.

    Here is the rare element I referenced earlier. The pursuit of the one who originally captured your interest, should never end; even if it results in marriage. I would further add “especially” if it results in marriage.

    Men (in general) have demonstrated an unfortunate tendency to “ease up” on the chase once they sense a certain level of reciprocal commitment from their partner. The sometimes unrealized result of that attitude, is that women are left feeling somehow less than worth his original effort. While I cannot directly speak for women who are the pursuers, men on the receiving end of such engagements, can share similar feelings of questioning their worth. Given that society by default, usually does not allow men to show vulnerability, these scenarios may go unresolved.

    I am not perfect. I do not always treat interpersonal or relational situations with the forthrightness they deserve; but I am a work in progress and hopefully at the end of the day, I can be safe in the knowledge that my wife not only feels, but knows that even after 26 years, she has been, and still is worth the chase.

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