A couple of years ago at the Insanity Report, a social commentary blog, founder Kriss created a response article, “Why Does a Man Have to Chase a Woman?” in reaction to an article advising women to never chase men. I’ve only recently come across the post, and thought that it would be helpful to have an answer to his question — why women want men to chase them, and why women should not chase men. From a non-traditional point of view.
While I still believe there are certain things men are suppose to do, when it comes to approaching someone you might be interested in, I don’t think that is gender specific. Why should it be? You have an interest, express it. That’s not desperate, it’s natural.
Yet there are some women who believe this. They believe men are supposed to “chase” after the women they want. I have to be honest, if you’re one of those women who believe that and you are finding it hard to meet a good man, this strategy could be the problem. I think my biggest problem with this is that it’s so counter intuitive. So you are interested in the guy but you can’t approach him first or call him first because then he’ll know you are interested in him? Wow…that makes no sense.
Kriss’ opinion makes sense logically, and from a man’s perspective. Why wouldn’t you show your interest in someone who you’re interested in romantically? Wouldn’t keeping your interest under wraps prevent you from getting exactly what you’re seeking? Well, yes and no. Showing some initial interest would in most cases help, but any more after that is probably not so helpful.
One thing that Kriss did not make clear in his article is the difference between approaching a guy and chasing him. Approaching a man is one thing, while chasing him is something else entirely. The former may speed you along your route to getting the guy you seek, while the latter will not. In fact, in my experience, and that of many other women, chasing a guy will usually cause you to lose any chance you might have had with him.
Why Women Want Men to Chase Them
Some women’s desire to have men chase them comes from a belief that men should chase, period. They think that men are the hunters, and it is not the place of women to pursue men. This is the traditional mindset about courting and dating.
However, there are women who don’t think men should be the only ones who are active in the dating process. They figure that, in nearly every other area in life, women are encouraged to go after what they want, so why should dating be any different? Women are not passive creatures to be acted upon, waiting for a man to “choose” them. Related to that, taking an active role in dating ensures that you have a say in who you’re dating, i.e. you’re not merely stuck with men who approach you.
Yet many of these women still don’t make a habit of showing more than an initial interest in guys they like. Why? Because they’ve found it simply doesn’t work — they are rarely able to capture the hearts of the men they desire. The guy is just not keen on dating her, even if the woman has everything going for her. In other words, the reason women don’t chase men is because men don’t want to be chased, despite their claims to the contrary. So women would rather the man chase them; at least in this situation they can be sure the man is interested.
What Happens When Women Chase Men
From their own claims, most times when a woman pursues a guy, her efforts fall flat. The more she chases, the faster the guy runs in the opposite direction. Calling a guy or otherwise initiating contact, arranging plans, complimenting him or sending him gifts is possibly one of the best ways to not get the guy.
This phenomenon is due to a number of factors, but a major reason is that men wonder why a woman would ever pursue a man. What is wrong with her that she isn’t the one being pursued by a man? She must have something wrong with her; her personality, her looks, or her sanity must not be in order for her to be desperate enough to chase a guy. Does she go after every man this way? Why is she so needful of the companionship of a man?
Another major cause is that the woman pursuing makes things much too easy for the guy. She does all the heavy-duty work — he only needs to sit back for the ride. This in most cases causes the guy to value the woman and any possible relationship with her less than he would if he were the one making the effort. He didn’t work for her, and she is the one that really wants him.
Even if a man does decide to begin a relationship with a woman who pursued him (Yes, this happens in a few cases of reciprocal interest or sheer woe-by-flattery), he brings this nonchalant attitude to a relationship. He may even begin to care so little that he no longer values the woman at all, and treats her accordingly.
The men for who the above does not apply — men who genuinely would appreciate a woman pursuing them, and would appreciate the woman in the long-run– are a rare breed, indeed.
Why the Man Has to Chase
So, the reason men chase women and should chase women in dating and relationships is actually quite simple — it doesn’t work the other way around. Men don’t want to be chased by women, and women don’t want to chase them for this reason.
What is your stance – should men ever be chased? Why or why not?
- Pros and Cons of Approaching Men — approaching men, not chasing them