10 Ways to Objectify Men

objectifying-menEver wonder how exactly a man can be sexually objectified? Wonder no longer.

As the unofficial queen of sexual objectification of men and long-time devotee of the male form, I’ve decided to share some ways for women to objectify men.

These aren’t the only ways to sexually objectify men, but are a beginner’s course on the road to appreciating male beauty, at the expense of male humanity.

…Only for laughs, of course.

1. Say to a man, “Well, your butt looks great in those pants!”

2. While driving, honk your horn at men on the street who you find attractive. When they look your way, give an enthusiastic thumbs up.

3. As a passenger in a car, stick your head out of the window and whistle or yell “Hey, cutie” as you drive by.

4. Look down at a man’s shoes and exclaim, “Wow, your feet are big!” If you happen to be with a female friend, look at her, then add, “Does your brother have big feet too?”

5.Β  When an attractive man walks into the room, gasp, “Dear God.” Leave your mouth hanging open for a few minutes.

6. Make a list of the most attractive features in men. Publish it on the internet.

7. Play the ratings game with your female friends, preferably in a public space. Have fun disagreeing — “He’s a 9.”, “No way, he’s more 7ish.”

8. Make ogling men a daily activity. Complain to your friends and family that you want to stop, but you simply can’t help it.

9. Compliment a guy’s shirt: “Hey, cool shirt!” Wait a few seconds. With a serious face, add, “I just wish it were tighter. Much tighter.”

10.Β  Pull out a magazine and ask a man nearby, “Who do you think looks better, this guy or this one?” If he gives you a weird look, ask, “What? Can’t you recognize male beauty?”

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35 thoughts on “10 Ways to Objectify Men

  1. Are you crazy woman?

    You can’t do this in South Africa. You would be screaming to the world “Rape me please! I’m a whore and I like it!”. Or so the men would take it.

    This sounds a lot like what black guys do…

  2. No, no!!! Objectifying men is baaaad. They’re human beings, you know?

    That being said, not enough of these tips are about the penis size.

    There’s a good scene in the British show “Men Behaving Badly”, where the main female character imitates her boyfriend in a pub (so she burps, farts, adjusts her breasts), and also objectify all men in sight. For example, she says to the bartender: “Nice todger! Bet you can’t get many of those in a biscuit tin.”

    Granted, it’s not interesting when you read it, but it’s hilarious on screen.

  3. Ive done number 3, 5, 7, and 8. Number 3 Ive only done a couple of times and with girls in the car. Id never walk up to a guy and say hey cutie but in a car with your friends its fun.

    Mira, There use to be a show here called women behaving badly some years back. Chelsea Handler was in it (this was before she was annoying and not funny) and it was so hilarious, I miss it!

  4. Nkosazana,

    “Are you crazy woman?”

    Ummm… let me think about that.

    πŸ˜‰

    “You can’t do this in South Africa.”

    Luckily, I’m not there!

    But this is all just kidding… sort of.

    Eliss,

    “I’ve done all of this stuff before.”

    *high fives*

  5. “No, no!!! Objectifying men is baaaad.”

    Lol. Says the princess of male sexual objectification. Actually, you and Jessica share that title. πŸ˜‰

    “That being said, not enough of these tips are about the penis size.”

    I should have known you’d say that… πŸ™‚

    “she says to the bartender: β€œNice todger! Bet you can’t get many of those in a biscuit tin.” ‘

    Hah! I can just imagine it.

    Jessica,

    “Ive done number 3, 5, 7, and 8.”

    I’m surprised…

    You haven’t done all ten. πŸ˜‰

  6. I think I objectified a man a few days ago. Was coming off the train and the security guard at the station was so cute, I looked him in the eye and then right down at his package so obviously. The guy noticed and immediately got stiff like he was uncomfortable but I looked him right in the eye after that without turning away. He looked so tense like he felt exposed or something. I loved that, made me feel so powerful and I didnt feel bad cause so many times I use to feel uncomfortable and unsure of myself when guys were checking out my body parts so obviously like that so tough luck. Saw him again today waiting on the train and this time he came and chatted me up LMAO. He probably thought I was a “fast tale gal” as my granny would say based on the package checkout I gave him the other day but nah Its just everytime im in heels I feel like im in some episode of sex and the city and this sexual confidence comes over me.

  7. Mira,

    “But I haven’t done ANY of this!”

    You’ve probably done worse. πŸ˜›

    “(Ok, except for number 6). (And it’s not like I ever published it online).”

    Lol, you practically added your own list under mine in the comments section of the Attractive Features in Men post. So, yes, actually you have published it online. πŸ˜›

    Jessica,

    ‘I think I objectified a man a few days ago.”

    Yeah, so what else is new?.. Lol.

    “Was coming off the train and the security guard at the station was so cute, I looked him in the eye and then right down at his package so obviously.”

    Wow, you might even be a bigger objectifier than I am…

    *thinks*

    Nah.

    πŸ™‚

    “He looked so tense like he felt exposed or something. I loved that, made me feel so powerful and I didnt feel bad cause so many times I use to feel uncomfortable and unsure of myself when guys were checking out my body parts so obviously like that so tough luck.”

    Lol. You know, it is like turning the tables. And that’s why it can be so shocking to some men: they’re used to being the objectifiers. It’s funny, this guy asked me, “Why do you hate men?” I replied, “What? I love men. Absolutely love.”… Female bjectifiers are actually the biggest lovers of men, I’ve noticed.

    “Saw him again today waiting on the train and this time he came and chatted me up LMAO.”

    Hah! Yeah, some guys ruin it by trying to talk to you after.

    “Its just everytime im in heels I feel like im in some episode of sex and the city and this sexual confidence comes over me.”

    LMAO.

    You are just too much… Too much.

  8. Jasmin,

    “No joke, I though this was a guest post by Mira.”

    LOL.

    It does seem like something Mira would write, doesn’t it?

    @Mira,

    See, I might need to share my crown with you.

    Actually, I recall you’ve written about male objectification in the past. But not in favor of objectification, per se.

  9. LMAO at “the peen”

    Jessioa, yes, you’re allowed to talk about the peen on here. Just don’t go posting any pictures or superfluous details…

  10. what would accomplished? i dont get it. people kill me always trying to stop someone from doing something by doing it to them. that works on a certain type of thing. this, however will make the man think that you want to sleep with them. or that you’re trying to make fun of them. they will not think “oh, she did NOT just objectify me.”

  11. Hi osufirecracker, welcome. πŸ™‚

    “what would accomplished?”

    Just for the lulz.

    “this, however will make the man think that you want to sleep with them. or that you’re trying to make fun of them.”

    Some of them think that. The latter are fun, the former, not so much. But I guess it comes with the territory. πŸ˜‰

    ‘they will not think β€œoh, she did NOT just objectify me.” ‘

    Actually, some of them do get a little flustered.

  12. osufirecracker:people kill me always trying to stop someone from doing something by doing it to them

    I dont think its done to get them to stop doing it to us. Their gonna do that anyway regardless of what we do. Its just fun to turn the tables sometimes to see the reaction.

  13. Alee, you’re in excellent company with this post; Minoan women from ancient Crete (2700 – 1100 BC) also loved to objectify men!!

    Here’s a painting of a minoan priestess with her ‘handpicked’ retinue of beautiful half naked young male attendants:

    Their preference might have had something to do with the paramount social, political and spiritual power the priestesses of the Minoan religion of goddess worship wielded throughout the Minoan empire.
    So when women are empowered and in charge, they go for what they truely want in my opinion – hot men.

  14. β€œSaw him again today waiting on the train and this time he came and chatted me up LMAO.”

    Hah! Yeah, some guys ruin it by trying to talk to you after.

    @Jessica, you want him. You said he was cute so go for it! But the next time you see him, don’t just look at his package or he will think you are a working girl and you will never meet his friends or see his place. Just look him in the eye and hold him. Then give him one of those over the shoulder looks. I don’t know how to describe it but like in this video

    Fawk! He’s gonna follow you home.

  15. Well I used a link to the exact moment ( 1 minute and 19 seconds) in the video but wordpress converted it to this embedded video.

  16. lol @ Tony, Nah I dont want that dude. He’s cute but im good. My eyes are on the prize right now (SG)

  17. when I was in undergrad, my friend and I did #7 all the time between classes. One guy was passing buy and I rated him a 5 while she rated him a 10…he heard her and turned around and said THANKS! We were sooo embarrassed and changed the number scale immediately. Fun times πŸ™‚

  18. Nkosazana,

    “But that rule don’t apply for me!”

    Oh, it doesn’t? We’ll see about that… πŸ˜‰

    Jasmin,

    Happy Birthday!
    πŸ˜€

    “What exactly counts as superfluous?”

    Anything that isn’t necessary to explain your point or story, and is basically only added for the lol/OMG/intrigue factor.

    IOW, just watch how Nkosazana posts about it, then dial that back about 10 times.

    …@Nkosazana, just kidding. πŸ™‚

  19. Jessica,

    “I dont think its done to get them to stop doing it to us.”

    That’s not my purpose, but if it does help in that aspect, then that’s even better.

    People can be pretty cynical and/or closed-minded about long-standing behaviors and mentalities changing. Eg. Many people thought feminism would be a complete flop because men and women had always been treated unequally, and they figured there was no changing that. Yet we now see a very marked difference in the way women are treated in communities with strong feminist movements vs. those without. So I don’t think female objectification has to be a given, at least not to its current extent.

    Hi Kat, nice to see you.

    “Alee, you’re in excellent company with this post”

    I knew it. Female objectifiers are the bestest. πŸ˜‰

    “Minoan women from ancient Crete (2700 – 1100 BC) also loved to objectify men!”

    That’s interesting. I know I can count on you to tell me about awesome women, past, present, and future. πŸ™‚

    “when women are empowered and in charge, they go for what they truely want in my opinion – hot men.”

    I mean, that’s what I really want, in case my posts and comments haven’t made that obvious…

    But I agree… people underestimate how much women appreciate male beauty.

  20. Welcome lulu,

    “when I was in undergrad, my friend and I did #7 all the time between classes. One guy was passing buy and I rated him a 5 while she rated him a 10…he heard her and turned around and said THANKS!”

    LOL.

    Yes, the ratings game is fun for both genders… as long as they’re rated high.

    Jessica,

    “lol @ Tony, Nah I dont want that dude. He’s cute but im good. My eyes are on the prize right now (SG)”

    Loyal — I like that. πŸ˜‰

  21. Alee,

    Aw, you like me; you really like me!:-)

    I had to work (first day back after Thanksgiving break), but Z took me to dinner last night and I had more than my share of adult beverages. πŸ™‚

  22. Jasmin,

    “Aw, you like me; you really like me!:-)”

    Yes, I do. πŸ™‚

    “Z took me to dinner last night and I had more than my share of adult beverages.”

    Oh, you’re too small for adult drinks. You look like you should be drinking from one of those juice boxes with straws. πŸ˜‰

  23. Wha… It was Jasmin’s birthday?

    (*embarassed*)

    Happy birthday, Jasmin! And sorry for forgetting about it (*still very much embarassed*)

  24. hmm, interesting.. While I personally find encountering these scenarios on the street very fun and lighthearted, I also think I can because men haven’t been conditioned to expect, fear, or be disgusted by the objectifying of their gender.

  25. Mira, yes it was. She’s a 28th baby like most of the rest of the awesome people — November 28th. My best friend is December 28th. And I’m February 28th. πŸ™‚

    Jason, I sure hope we cross paths one day. It would be too funny. πŸ˜‰

    “I also think I can because men haven’t been conditioned to expect, fear, or be disgusted by the objectifying of their gender.”

    “Conditioned” seems like an interesting choice of word here…

  26. Ojectification of men has gone on for a long time, even before shirtless Charlton Heston. The Cinderella story told bot sexes they had to be beautiful to be loved, and it gave males the added burden of performance and status.
    I can’t ever remember a movie in which the men in the audience were screaming at women, but I can think of lots of movies in reverse (New Moon, Troy, White Squall, Brave Heart, Magic Mike, etc.), not to mention little girls screaming over Mark Wahlberg removing his clothes,etc. Young men are taking stereoids and getting male body dysmorphic disorder and other eating disorders are very high rates. Objectification affects BOTH sexes and has for a long time. I don’t know why people act like this is somehow a “new” thing or “turning the tables.” It’s not.

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