10 Ways to Objectify Men

Ever wonder how exactly a man can be sexually objectified? Wonder no longer.

As the unofficial queen of sexual objectification of men and long-time devotee of the male form, I’ve decided to share some ways for women to objectify men.

These aren’t the only ways to sexually objectify men, but are a beginner’s course on the road to appreciating male beauty, at the expense of male humanity.

…Only for laughs, of course.

1. Say to a man, “Well, your butt looks great in those pants!”

2. While driving, honk your horn at men on the street who you find attractive. When they look your way, give an enthusiastic thumbs up.

3. As a passenger in a car, stick your head out of the window and whistle or yell “Hey, cutie” as you drive by.

4. Look down at a man’s shoes and exclaim, “Wow, your feet are big!” If you happen to be with a female friend, look at her, then add, “Does your brother have big feet too?”

5.  When an attractive man walks into the room, gasp, “Dear God.” Leave your mouth hanging open for a few minutes.

6. Make a list of the most attractive features in men. Publish it on the internet.

7. Play the ratings game with your female friends, preferably in a public space. Have fun disagreeing — “He’s a 9.”, “No way, he’s more 7ish.”

8. Make ogling men a daily activity. Complain to your friends and family that you want to stop, but you simply can’t help it.

9. Compliment a guy’s shirt: “Hey, cool shirt!” Wait a few seconds. With a serious face, add, “I just wish it were tighter. Much tighter.”

10.  Pull out a magazine and ask a man nearby, “Who do you think looks better, this guy or this one?” If he gives you a weird look, ask, “What? Can’t you recognize male beauty?”